In My Veins
by RosalineC
Summary: Kate knew what she wanted: him. Now Kate Beckett is jobless but very much in love. This is the summer that could change everybody's lives forever.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: Yup, still writing in French class...**

**A/N: Hey guys! I'm back with my signature song fics. Writing a post season fic got me through last year's hiatus so here I am doing another one this year. Song fic to "In My Veins" because I couldn't resist.**

**So I can't believe I actually did this but I wrote smut... yeah... So this is M rated (or at least the first chapter is)**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter One**

"_Nothing goes as planned"_

Kate Beckett was soaking wet from the storm brewing outside and dizzy (from the brewing storm of emotions inside her) when she arrived at Richard Castle's door. She probably wasn't thinking clearly—hell she wasn't thinking at all—but she knew exactly what she wanted. Rapping on his door, he was all that was on her mind.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Rick was certainly not in any mood to entertain whoever was currently knocking on his door. He couldn't stop thinking about the woman he loved and how she was going to get herself killed. He had tried to stop her but she wouldn't listen. He couldn't do this anymore; he saw her die once, he couldn't do it again. Between Kate and the fact that his daughter had just graduated all Rick wanted to do was crawl into bed with a bottle of scotch.

She was standing there when he opened the door. He had to suck in a breath so she wouldn't notice how much her being there affected him. He was done. He had tried so hard to give her up and she wasn't making it easy. Mustering up as much coldness as he could in his voice, he asked, "Beckett what do you want?"

Kate wanted to say so many things but she was at a loss for words. She knew what she wanted though and so she knew one word would be enough. "You," she said softly, voice full of longing. He didn't even have a chance to react before she reached out to grab his face and take his mouth with hers.

Rick tried not to react to this intoxicating woman's lips, but it was difficult. Her forehead rested on his as they both struggled for a breath. "I'm so sorry Castle," she whispered, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry..."

Hand on his face; Kate tried to bring her lips back down on his but he forced himself to push her away. "What happened?" he asked looking her in the eyes. There was a tear streak on her cheek and he had to resist running a finger along it.

_I realized giving you up was the dumbest thing I've ever done; that's what happened. _The past thirteen years of her life had been so dedicated to finding justice and trying to solve her mother's murder that she had never allowed herself to truly be happy. She had thrown her life away, but now she was done with that. Nothing could get in the way of happiness now. "He got away and I didn't care," she admitted, "I almost died and all I could think about was you. I just want you."

Hearts were beating frantically as Kate opened her mouth hungrily to take his with it. Neither one of them could believe that this was finally happening. Four years of dancing around each other—of waiting—and now they were both finally ready.

With a blinding flash of lightening and deafening crack of thunder Kate reached out to lightly touch Rick's lips. His eyes turned dark with arousal and then he was pushing her against his door.

Neither one cared that the door closed with a slam as Kate's body hit it. Lips crashed together and moved frantically. Rick moved his head to the side and started kissing Kate's neck while she ran her hands up his back.

She was never going to let him go again. Risking her life for her mother's case was not worth it—it wasn't worth losing him. Dangling from that building made Kate realize that Castle was right; she couldn't keep doing this. She had quit her job; she packed up her things, and headed out of the precinct. The raging storm was as metaphorical for their relationship as it was literal. Kate knew Rick would appreciate the symbolism of the storm as she sat on the same swing set that her and Rick had sat on all those months ago while she explained about her wall and basically asked him to wait for her. Eight months later and now that wall was completely destroyed.

After all they had been through now here she was, in Richard Castle's loft, kissing him senseless while he had her pinned to his door.

Rick needed to touch her skin; he needed to feel every inch of her. God her loved this woman and he no longer had any doubt in his mind that she loved him too.

He had almost lost her so many times but now she was here. Lowering his head, he kissed her scar; it was such a large part of her—a constant reminder of what she had lived through.

He undid the top buttons of her shirt to reveal the fading but still there mark just above her breasts. His hand rested on it and her hand went over his.

Their mouths fused together again; tongues touching, tasting, savoring. Neither Kate nor Rick could wipe the smiles off their faces when they broke away from the kiss. Both were elated with love and passion. _This was it._ Intertwining her fingers with his, hand in hand, Kate led Rick to their next step.

Tauntingly slow, Rick flipped Kate onto his bed and undid the rest of the buttons on her shirt, all the while still kissing her. Kissing her scar again he breathed in her scent. He kissed his way up to her neck finally noticing the bruises along the sides. Sucking in a deep breath, he lifted his head to notice her shirt had fallen open, revealing large purple bruises along her sides.

Kate watched the light go out of Rick's eyes as worry and horror entered. "Kate," he breathed, 'what happened to you?" He ran his thumb under the bruise on her neck. It looked like she had been strangled. He couldn't hide his worry as he lied down next to her and pulled her too him.

"My sniper," she said quietly, melting in his arms and breathing in his scent now.

_Oh Kate. _"What happened?"

"Espo and I went off to investigate on our own after Ryan tried to stop us. Maddox, our sniper, got the drop on us. We fought on the top of his hotel roof."

"And he strangled you?" Rick questioned.

Kate took in a deep breath and nodded slowly. She wasn't sure whether she should tell Rick the next part or not but he deserved to know exactly what happened no matter how hard it was going to be to tell. "And then he..."

"And then he what Kate?" Rick asked, not sure if he really wanted to know.

She ran her fingers up and down his arms, just needing to touch him. "He threw me off the edge of the roof and then walked away. He got away and I was dangling from a roof but there was only one thing on my mind: you."

Rick sucked in a sharp intake of air while he tried to calm down. Kate has almost died again and he hadn't been there this time. Well wasn't that why he left after they fought in her apartment? Because he didn't want to watch her put herself in these dangerous situations over her mother's murder? He couldn't not care though. He would always care. He cared too much. He loved her too much.

"Kate," he murmured, bringing his lips to hers. He kissed her softly before pulling back and gazing into her hazel eyes. "You can't keep doing this Kate. I've almost lost you too many times. I can't lose you again. I know I've asked you to step down more times than I wish I had to but I just need you to be safe. You mean too much..."

Kate cut him off with her lips again. All her emotion and love were put into the kiss; she had to show him she was done putting her life in danger.

"It's okay Rick; I'm safe now."

"You can't know that Kate. What about next time?"

"There is no next time," she informed him. Confusion swept across his face but he didn't say anything—knowing that if he didn't push she might continue. "While I was dangling from the edge of that roof all I could think about was how I couldn't die without you knowing how I feel about you. I couldn't die without us giving it a shot. I love you Rick and I can't imagine life without you anymore."

He cut her off with another kiss as she melted farther into his arms. Then bringing his lips up to her forehead he whispered against her skin, "I love you Kate."

Brushing the back of her hand along his cheek and lingering there as her fingers trailed across his skin she continued, "I kept calling out for you Rick and I could your voice yelling mine back in return, but it wasn't you. I slipped off but Ryan caught my arm just in time. But he wasn't you. Ryan had told Gates that Espo and I had gone off on our own. She was with him on the roof."

"He had to tell her you know," Castle said softly," I know you didn't want Gates to know but Ryan saved your life."

"I know," Kate agreed, "I'm not mad at him." She wasn't either; she knew he was only trying to protect herself and Javier. "Javi on the other hand..."

"What happened?"

"When we got back to the precinct Gates blew up and Espo and I. She suspended Esposito."

"And you?" Castle asked with worry.

"I resigned," she said in a low voice.

He couldn't have heard her right; Kate Beckett would never resign. "Kate..."

"Yes Rick," she said cupping his cheek, "you did hear me right. I can't stay at the precinct anymore. I became a cop because of my mother's murder and for the past thirteen years I have let it define me. I have thrown so much of my life away because of this Rick; you were right. I've always said that this case is the most important thing in my life but I was wrong; it's not—you are. After my mom was murdered I started reading my mom's favorite books—your books—to keep a part of her alive in me. They kept me from drowning. Those books saved me Rick and now the author of them is in love with me and I'm in love with him and..."

Kate's words were cut short once again by Rick's lips crashing down on hers. The passion increased as he deepened the kiss. Mouths opened and tongues battled. Suddenly she was on top of him, straddling him, and undoing his shirt buttons. His shirt came off and hers immediately followed. The jeans came next; both of them being teasingly slow undoing each other's belts and buttons.

His jeans slid off easily; she stroked and squeezed him through his boxers and his arousal increased. Her jeans on the other hand were much harder to get off due to how tight they were and the fact that they were still soaked from the rain.

Feeling a sense of victory, Castle tossed the ex detective's jeans to the side. He teasingly ran a finger under the waistband of her black lace underwear (was she trying to kill him?) and she moaned.

He slowly slid the underwear down her long legs. Reaching around her back he undid her bra and let it fall to the bed. She was in his bedroom—fully naked—and he couldn't believe it.

She was beautiful.

Rick's boxers were the next to come off—leaving them both completely naked now. He flipped her over so he was now on top and their mouths fused together again.

Cupping her breasts, Castle played with her now taunt nipples. Kate practically hummed with approval and arousal—keeping control was going to be difficult.

"Rick," she moaned as he brought one of his hands up to her hot, wet core and dipped a finger into her folds.

Adding another finger and then another he pumped hard and fast—curling his fingers to hit the right spot. He could already feel Kate coming undone under his hand. He flicked her clit with his thumb and her hips buckled against his hand. She rode out her first orgasm as her walls tightened against Rick's fingers.

"Castle please," she begged. His lips went back to hers, silencing her mid-plea. Rick tangled his hands in Kate's hair and she grabbed his face with hers; pulling him closer.

Kate brought her hand down between his legs and gripped him hard. "Kate," he growled. She just smiled as he mumbled, "Evil woman."

He flipped her around again, bringing his tip to her entrance. He knew page one-o'-five and Nikki Heat would have nothing on Kate Beckett.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Rick knew he must be dreaming when he woke up to Kate Beckett sleeping beside him. Oh well, if he was he didn't want to wake up. Pulling her tighter into his arms he nuzzled his face into her hair and closed his eyes again.

~O.o.O.o.O~

The next time Rick woke up it was to the feel of Kate's lips dangerously close to his.

"Good morning," he said grinning as he kissed her.

"Morning sleepy head."

"I can't believe last night was real," he murmured against the soft skin of her cheek.

"I can't either," she admitted, "but I'm so glad it was."

"Me too," he smiled, "we waited far too long."

"That we did. Do you know what else we have waited far too long for?"

"What?" he asked still amazed that this beautiful woman was laying beside him.

Her smile widened as she gave him a playful kiss before hopping out of his bed. "'Morning after' pancakes!"

This woman was going to kill him.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"You're going to pay for that Richard Castle!" Kate threatened as she wiped the pancake batter off her face that Rick had flicked at her.

"Oh really?" he grinned.

She grabbed an egg out of the carton on the counter and moved closer to him. She raised her arms over his head as if she was going to crack the egg over his noggin. Giving him a wicked look she lowered her arms and gave him a searing kiss instead.

The egg in Kate's hand was forgotten as it fell to the ground with a splat. They were going to have a mess to clean up later.

Suddenly they were both wrapped up in arms, legs, and tongues. Castle slammed Kate down on the clear part of the counter and started trailing kisses along her neck and jaw bone.

He ripped open the button down shirt of his she was wearing exposing the lacy bra and underwear she had managed to put back on before they entered the kitchen.

He was kissing his way down to her scar when the door opened.

"Richard?" Martha Rodgers called out, "You seemed rather upset yesterday so I decided to come back to convince you to stop your moping and come to the Hamptons with me." The actress sauntered into the kitchen while Kate struggled to cover up with Rick's shirt. "Kate!" Martha exclaimed with clear surprise in her face and voice.

"Hello Martha."

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**A/N: Going to go hide now because I wrote smut and am terrified to post this...**

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I still have eleven school days left until I'm no longer a high school student...**

**A/N: My apologies in how long this took to write. I've been crazy busy. If it helps, I blew off my boyfriend to write this :D**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

**Chapter Two**

"_Everything will break"_

"They hate me Jenny," Ryan said slumping down on the couch and taking his head into his hands.

He had just gotten home from the precinct after Gates had given him a lecture about not letting what had just happened affect his work. He knew he couldn't let it affect his ability to be a detective—that wasn't fair to the badge—but it was still okay for him to be upset.

"Who hates you?" Jenny asked softly with confusion and concern, "What happened?"

"They couldn't leave it alone Jenny—Kate and Javi. They just couldn't leave it alone and they were going to get themselves killed! They were going after a trained sniper—without backup! What was I supposed to do? Let them get killed? I couldn't do that Jenny."

"I know you couldn't Kevin. They are your friends and you care about them. What happened?" she asked, putting a loving hand on his knee to comfort him.

"I told Gates," he admitted in a small voice.

"What did she do?" Ryan's concerned wife asked.

"Well she was outraged that they went off on their own and that they had lied and concealed information from her. I had to tell her though; when we found them Javi had been knocked out and Kate was dangling off a roof."

Jenny gasped at that, "Is she okay?"

"Yeah, she's fine. Well, she's fine physically. I managed to pull her up just in time. I have never seen Gates so angry before. She suspended Javier. He's furious with me; I don't know if he will even want to be my partner again when he comes back."

"You did the right thing Kevin; you saved them; Javi has to understand that. Wait, you said Javier was suspended; what about Kate?"

"Kate resigned."

Jenny was shocked. She didn't know Kate Beckett very well but she had heard enough about her from Kevin to know how much Kate's job meant to her. She was a cop because of her mother's murder; it must have been extremely hard on her to quit. Solving her mother's murder was everything to Kate.

"How is Rick taking all this?" Jenny asked her husband. She knew the writer must be distraught over this. She may not have seen them together too many times but the times that she had she could see how head-over-heels-in-love they were with each other.

"I don't know," Kevin admitted, "I haven't seen him in a couple days and right before Kate and Javi went off on their own Kate said Rick was off the team. Then when I tried to call him after the pair left he didn't answer. I don't know what's going on Jenny; this isn't like Castle. He hasn't been the same since the bombing case. At first it was just a couple cold looks Javi and I caught Castle giving Beckett, which was odd enough as it is, but then there was the flight attendant. He showed up to a crime scene in his Ferrari with some blonde stewardess."

"How did Kate take that?"

"As well as expected. It was like Castle was reverting back to the man he was when he first started shadowing her—an immature ass with giggling blondes all over him. Then he goes and starts shadowing Slaughter—that jackass from gangs and guns—and we had to bail him out of trouble more than once. Finally Javi and I refused to help him so he went to Kate and even after all he did to her she helped him. Not long after that Espo and I heard a couple of rumors that Castle was going to be leaving the precinct but when he and Kate seemed to be getting along again we though it must have been inaccurate information. Everything seemed to be going so well again but then her mother's case was reopened unofficially. He tried to stop her and he tried to get me to stop her and Javi, but nothing worked. Now Rick is 'off the team', Kate resigned, and Javi is suspended; I don't know what to do Jenny. I just don't know what to do."

Ryan hung his head down even more. Letting out a large sigh, Jenny sat down next to her husband and wrapped her arms around him. "It'll be okay Kevin. I promise. It may take some time but everything will be okay."

"Everything just feels so broken Jenny, so much is going to change."

"You're right," she told him gently, "everything is going to change, but change, although a scary thing, is not always a bad thing. We are strong Kevin and we have each other; we can get through anything and everything as long as we remember that."

Emotion swelled up inside Ryan; he had a beautiful wonderful wife who loved him. She was right, they could handle anything as long as they were together. They both leaned forward—resting their foreheads together—at the same time. Ryan breathed Jenny in and whispered, "I love you," before softly bringing his lips to hers.

"I love you too Kevin," she murmured against his skin, kissing him again. The kiss deepened and suddenly Jenny's shirt was coming off.

_Yes_, Ryan thought, _yes they could handle anything. _

~O.o.O.o.O~

It had been a long time since Esposito was this angry. His partner, his friend, had betrayed him and now he was on administrative leave for who knows how long. There would probably be long meetings about it and he would probably have to make some sort of formal apology.

He didn't really want to be alone right now; he was afraid he may do something reckless. This is the second partner Javier had now been betrayed by. He really needed someone to talk to.

Anyone who didn't know the situation was out of the question of course as was the traitorous partner himself. Castle would be on Ryan's side, and besides, Javier hadn't seen him since Beckett said he was "off the team". It just didn't feel right to talk to Kate about it right now either. That left only one person that Javier trusted—but he couldn't... No, there was no way...

Taking in a deep breath he decided to go for it. Picking up his phone, he dialed an all-too-familiar number.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"What's going on here?" Martha asked, not wasting any time.

"I was just leaving," Kate said—Rick's shirt securely wrapped around her now.

"You don't have to leave," Martha and Rick said in perfect unison. Martha let out a chuckle and added, "You can stay Kate; I just want to know what's going on. One day my son is done with you and the next here you two are, ripping each other's clothes off." The actress glances at Kate and her current state of undress and smiles, "Sorry, I meant now he is ripping _his_ clothes off you."

Kate gave a small smile before turning to Rick for guidance in what they should tell his mother. Rick seemed to understand and gave her a small nod before turning to his mother. "It's all okay now Mother."

Martha gave them a wondering look laced with concern. Kate understood; she had hurt Rick so many times and yet he always seemed to come back for more.

"I know I have done nothing but hurt Rick in the past," Kate started, "and I can't even express how sorry I am, but I need you to know I love your son. I'm done denying it and I'm done running. I'm even done putting my life in danger; I'm done being a cop."

Martha gasped a little at that even though she was still smiling at Kate's declaration of love for her son. "You're not a detective anymore?" she asked in stunned disbelief.

"No, I'm not. I don't need it anymore. I became a cop because I felt I had to, to solve my mom's case. I don't need that anymore. Solving my mother's murder won't bring her back and the risk is far too high. I have too much to lose."

Kate looked at Rick with such love and emotion in her eyes that Martha knew she was telling the truth.

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	3. Chapter 3

******Disclaimer: I've never even been to L.A... or anywhere in the States to be honest...**

**A/N: Well I wasn't expecting to get this chapter out to you so soon but this is the result of my father waking me up this morning telling me that we are going on a three hour drive. **

**This one is for melindaWRITER and lv2bnsb1 who were both right.**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Three**

"_People say goodbye"_

The phone rang twice before Esposito changed his mind and hung up. There was just too much involvement and connection to Kate for it to work. Besides Esposito wasn't in any good books anyways.

There was still the matter of the sniper still being out there—out there and dangerous. There wasn't a doubt in Esposito's mind that the sniper was special ops. Beckett was still in danger as long as Maddox was still out there. Hell, Beckett was lucky to even be alive right now. he should have been there. He shouldn't have let Maddox get the drop on him. He was supposed to have her back and he wasn't there. If she had died on that roof he never would have forgiven himself.

He could just imagine—no, he _couldn't_ even imagine—what it would be like to be the one who would have to call Kate's father, Lanie, Castle... _Castle_. Castle would probably break. Javier saw the writer's face when Kate was shot; he saw the pain in his eyes just after Kate was taken to surgery. It was no secret that Castle was in love with Kate Beckett and he had to watch her die once; Javier didn't think he would survive it a second time.

At first Espo wondered why the hell Castle had abandoned Beckett; now he think he understood.

Beckett's safety was still a concern and Javier knew he had to step up his game. Retrieving his phone from his pocket again, he searched his contact list for the number he needed.

"Arthur," he said into his call, "yeah, hi, it's Javi. I need a favor."

Arthur Jones was an old army buddy from Javier's Special Forces days. Espo had saved his life on more than one occasion and Arthur had said if Javier ever needed anything to not hesitate in calling.

It didn't take the Hispanic man long to briefly explain the situation. He didn't say everything—he left out anything about their former captain—choosing to just say that a Special Forces sniper was after an ex detective from his team because she had looked into her mother's murder.

"You want me to protect her," Arthur replied after Esposito finished explaining—it was a statement not a question.

"I know it's a lot to ask for," Esposito sighed, "but I can't help but feel partially responsible. I should have protected her myself, but I didn't and now neither of us are detectives anymore."

"It's not a problem Javi. You know I owe you my life. I'll make sure your friend is safe."

Esposito thanked the soldier and they said their goodbyes. He had barely hung up before his phone started ringing.

"Esposito," he answered, without even looking at the caller ID.

"Javi," a familiar voice said on the other end, "you called?"

"Hi Lanie. I just dialed a wrong number," he lied.

"Right," she replied in a no nonsense tone that said she didn't believe him.

"Well, I'll just let you go."

"Javi are you okay?" Lanie asked, her voice softening.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Liar. I can tell you aren't. What's going on Javi? I just saw Ryan not to long ago who looked like a kicked puppy and wouldn't tell me anything and neither Beckett nor Castle are answering their phones."

"It's nothing chica."

"Don't chica me Javier Esposito. I'll be right over."

~O.o.O.o.O~

"I can't believe it's over Paige," Alexis Castle told her friend when they were alone, away from the rest of the graduates at the party.

"I know," Paige agreed, "it's like all of high school we couldn't wait for it to be over so we could move on with our lives and now that it's done we don't want to let go."

"I'm not ready to say goodbye," the red-head admitted, "you're going to be going to Princeton and I'll be at Columbia and everyone else is going their separate ways too."

"Everything is going to change. We aren't kids anymore Alexis. I'm scared."

"So am I," Alexis confided before giving her friend a tight hug. "I have to go have lunch with my dad now but I'll see you tomorrow okay?"

"Kay."

Alexis made sure Paige couldn't see her anymore before the tears started falling.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"You don't have to leave Kate," Rick practically begged. After Martha had left, Kate had put her now dry clothes on and said she should be leaving too.

"I'm not running Castle. I'll be back," she promised, "I'm just leaving while you have lunch with your daughter. You two need some time together and I have a couple of things I have to do anyways."

"Okay," Castle agreed, placing a soft kiss on her temple, "I love you."

She left a soft kiss on his lips before exiting the loft. Yes, she had told him she loved him last night but she wasn't sure she was ready to say it all the time yet. It didn't mean she loved him any less, it just meant she still had a little bit of healing to do.

She didn't have her car with her so she took a cab to the graveyard. This was the second time she had been there in the past two days. The last time had been because she couldn't let it go though; this time she was ready to say goodbye.

Standing at her mother's gravestone she twirled her mother's ring on its chain. She knew that the next place she would be going after this was to her apartment to put the ring in her jewellery box for good—her watch along with it. She didn't want to forget the past—she would never forget—but it was time to make new memories.

"Hi Mom," she said softly, a tear escaping and falling down her cheek. "I love you, you know that, but I have to let your murder go. You wouldn't want me to dwell on it and I can't risk my life like this anymore. Not only did I almost lose my life yesterday, I almost lost the man I've fallen in love with."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Captain Victoria Gates wasn't sure what to do. She had lost two of her best detectives. She wasn't cold hearted; she was sympathetic to the situation—Beckett's mother had been murdered and the previous captain had somehow been involved, after all—but as the captain of this precinct she couldn't allow her detectives to lie and withhold information from her.

With Beckett resigning this was going to get messy. She would have to find a replacement and the commissioner and D.A. would probably get involved. She just hoped it wouldn't have to come to that.

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	4. Chapter 4

******Disclaimer: Hmm, let's see... I graduate high school in eighteen days... Do you really think I own anything?**

**A/N: I'm so sorry for the insanely slow updates guys. This will probably be the last chapter until after grad since I probably should actually do work so I can pass French and AVID...**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Four**

"_In their own special way"_

"Hey dad," the red-headed teenager called out as she entered the loft.

"Hi Pumpkin, how was the party?"

"It was good," Alexis told her father quietly. She was just glad there was no trace of tears on her face anymore. "Is it okay if I hang out with Paige tomorrow?"

"Of course sweetie," he told her. He wanted to spend as much time as possible with his daughter before she left for Columbia but he understood that it was important for her to hang out with her friends before they all had to go their separate ways.

"Thanks Dad. How was your night?" Before the graduation ceremony he had seemed upset. It could have just been the fact that his daughter was graduating but in her heart Alexis knew it was more than that—Kate Beckett had something to do with it.

"It was fine," he tried to say calmly. He wasn't as smooth at it as he hoped he would be though—he was having trouble concealing his smile.

Alexis smiled as she saw light in her father's eyes for the first time since the bombing case. "What happened?"

Castle was suddenly concerned at how his daughter was going to react to this. "Sit down Alexis; I have something I have to tell you."

The red-head gave him a confused look but went to sit next to him on the couch where he promptly set his hand on her knee.

"I know you aren't a little girl anymore. You're eighteen and you deserve to know what's going on." She gave him a small nod, urging him to continue. "You know how things have been a little rough with Beckett and I lately? Well things were just starting to get better until a vic on a case we were working was shot by the same sniper that shot Kate at Montgomery's funeral last year." Alexis took in a sharp intake of air. She didn't like where this was going. "She started spiralling downwards. I tried to stop her; I couldn't lose her again. She wouldn't listen to me though and I was forced to make one of the toughest decisions of my life: I walked away. I walked away from Kate Beckett; I couldn't do it anymore."

Alexis was stunned; her father had walked away from the woman he loved. "Are you okay Dad? You look too happy for that to be the end of the story."

"I may have made a huge decision but so did Kate. Kate found her sniper. She found him and she fought with him. She almost lost and he got away."

"What happened? Is she okay?"

"She's fine. She realized she had too much to lose so she walked away. She walked away from her mother's case and she resigned from the force." That made Alexis' eyes widen even more.

"And then?"

"And then she came here. I love her so much Alexis and she loves me; I can't let her go again."

Alexis sat in a stunned silence before she finally quietly asked, "So you two are together now?"

The writer gave a nod. "Are you okay with that?"

Alexis wasn't sure if she was or not. She knew how much her father loved the former detective and she wanted him to be happy but she was also afraid that he would end up getting hurt again. If Kate was willing to give up her career and her mother's case for the teenager's father then maybe the two of them being together wasn't such a bad thing after all. Still... "I'm not sure. You know I just want you to be happy. She's hurt you so many times Dad."

"I know," he sighed, "I've hurt her too. I'm not going to say that we're never going to hurt each other again but we both want to give this a shot. We love each other and will do anything in our power to not hurt each other like this again."

"Then you have my approval." The teen smiled and leaned forward to give her father a hug. Maybe everything would work out in the end.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"What happened?" Lanie asked the second she entered Javier's apartment and saw his face.

"Gates suspended me," Esposito tried to say with no emotion in his voice.

Lanie's breath hitched in her throat. What did Javi mean he was suspended? What the hell had gone on that would cause Javi to get suspended, Ryan to look heart-broken, Castle to abandon them, and Kate to disappear off the face of the Earth? Of course Lanie knew that Kate's mother's case had come up again and she knew it was worse this time than before. She knew that Kate would never give it up. What she didn't know, was what the hell had happened.

"Ryan and Castle tried to stop us," Javier continued, "Kate wouldn't listen to Castle and next thing we know she's telling us he is off the team. I got a lead on her sniper and we went to investigate. Ryan tried to get us to take back up but we didn't listen to him either."

"What happened Javier?" Lanie asked, more worried than ever. She really didn't like where this was going.

"I got knocked out and Kate got tossed off a building. Ryan told Gates what we were up to and they saved us. I was so mad at Kevin for betraying us but the truth is if he hadn't Kate and I wouldn't be alive right now."

"Javi," Lanie breathed. She placed her hand on his shoulder and had to resist wrapping her arms tightly around him and burying her face in his chest. "How is Kate doing? I'm assuming she is suspended too."

"Well I haven't exactly seen her since it happened; I haven't heard from her either. The last time I saw her she was slapping her badge down on Gate's desk and telling her she is resigning." The M.E.'s head started to spin. Kate Beckett resigned? "I know you're worried about her Lanie. Hell, I'm worried about her too. She spun out of control again and this time I was dumb enough to help her. I don't know what happened but it sounds like her and Castle are through. We can all see how they feel about each other and it has just been thrown away. I can't do that Lanie. I don't want to throw away what we had. I still love you Lanie."

The stunned medical examiner didn't even get a chance to speak before Javier lips came crashing down on hers.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Hey Dad," Kate said sliding into their usual booth in their favourite diner.

"Katie," Jim replied warily. She didn't blame him; the last time they had talked she had revealed that Johanna's case had come back up and that they had a lead on the sniper. Kate tried to give her father a reassuring smile which confused him even more. "What happened?"

"I quit," she said in a strong voice. She had decided against telling him about the roof for fear of worrying him even farther.

"You quit?"

"I quit. Mom's case and my job. I don't need it anymore Dad. I can't keep throwing my life away; it isn't what she would have wanted."

Jim couldn't help but be proud of his daughter. He knew that the writer must have had something to do with this. "Follow your heart Katie. I'm glad that you finally are going to live but you don't have to give up being a detective if it's what you really want." He would feel much better if she wasn't a detective—if he knew she was safe—but it was her call.

"I've found what a really want Dad."

She had that same look in her eyes that he had whenever he had looked at Johanna. In their own special way Katie and Rick reminded him so much of himself and Johanna. He took the leap and asked, "Rick?"

She nodded slowly and her smile could not be contained.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I own the DVDs... Does that count?**

**A/N: Well you guys can thank my father for this chapter because I was planning on studying for my French exam tomorrow that I'm probably going to fail (oops, maybe I shouldn't have written in class all semester) but my father took away all my study materials before (and I quote) "[I] turn into a basket case". **

**Anyways, here's the chapter.**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

**Chapter Five**

"_All that you rely on"_

Rules. That's what Captain Victoria Gates lived by: rules. As much as she never wanted to admit when she was wrong, she had to admit that now. When she had suspended Esposito and Beckett she was just acting on an impulse, which was the wrong thing to do. She discovered afterwards that she had incorrectly suspended them. Reg said that since Esposito was simply following orders from a superior officer, he shouldn't have been suspended. Also, they should have been given a chance to plead their cases in front of union representation.

Esposito, Gates would have to call in to talk to but Beckett was another matter. Even if Gates had incorrectly suspended her she had still resigned. The paperwork hadn't gone through yet though so they might still be a chance of convincing her best detective to come back.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"I've missed you," Lanie whispered in Esposito's ear. She really had. They had probably acted a little too quick when they broke up. It had been almost seven months since then and they clearly weren't over each other yet.

"I've missed you too Chica," the Hispanic man replied before briefly taking her lips with his again. "Are you ready to try this again?"

"I am," she responded with a smile.

He kissed her more passionately then, twisting his fingers into her long hair, and moaning into her mouth. She pulled him even closer and intertwined her fingers together behind his neck. Bringing his bottom lip between her teeth she made him moan again.

He couldn't help thinking about how that woman was slowly killing him as he started muttering in Spanish under his breath. "You're wearing too much clothing," he finally uttered just before her shirt was pulled off and thrown to the floor. His shirt quickly followed along with his pants. Esposito pulled Lanie's pants off tauntingly slow until they were both standing there in only their underwear.

She kissed him again, sliding her tongue along his lips, just begging for entrance. He allowed it without hesitation and their tongues battled. She gripped him through his boxers then, causing him to swear in Spanish once more.

His hands were behind her back, undoing her bra clasp, and then the red material was falling to the floor.

The two stumbled into Javier's room, still kissing the whole way. They were both getting impatient and they didn't even pause to remove the remaining items of clothing.

Skipping foreplay entirely, Javier readied himself at her entrance as Lanie half moaned his name. His hands slid up her sides before a loud beep sounded from his bedside table. His phone erupted in vibrations and his loud ringtone.

"It's Gates," he groaned as he took a peek at the caller ID.

"You better answer it," Lanie sighed.

Javier mumbled an apology to the beautiful naked woman on his bed and picked up his phone. "Esposito."

~O.o.O.o.O~

After Kate's mother was murdered she had shut down. All her friend's from college had tried to be sympathetic and understanding but they just didn't understand. They couldn't understand. Everyone says "I'm so sorry for your loss" but the words never help.

When Kate was a teenager she had once snapped at her mother during an argument saying some snide remark about wishing she wasn't her mother. Kate had regretted the words instantly afterwards of course but it was too late to take them back. Everyone says stupid stuff from time to time but losing her mother made her wonder what if those had been her last words to the woman who meant so much to her to the woman who meant so much to her? You just never know when you are going to lose somebody that you love, and no one knows what it is like until it actually happens. At first you're in shock; you can't believe that they are actually gone. You may think that you are okay at the time but eventually it sets in and you realize that you are never going to see that person again. It's hard to wrap your mind around.

Different people deal with grief and loss in different ways. Where some people drown themselves in a bottle or try to distract themselves with as many people as possible, Kate tried to cut herself off from everyone. She couldn't let herself rely on anyone anymore after that.

She lasted ten years without relying on anyone. Ten long years. But then she met him; her solid ground, her North Star: Richard Castle.

She was far from healed. There would still be days that she wanted to run in the other direction. There would still be days she wanted to shut everyone out, including Rick. She wasn't as afraid anymore though. She was healing and she had Rick. Now she wanted him to come see Dr. Burke with her.

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	6. Chapter 6

******Disclaimer: Currently just an unemployed high school grad... One day though...**

**A/N: I think I passed my French exam so you guys get another chapter! **

**Shameless promoting: If any of you have Tumblr and want to add me my url is .com. I love talking to the Castle fandom so feel free to message me. I am also Rosaline_C on Twitter. Also for updates on my writing you can follow my professional blog .com**

**Okay, enough of me promoting myself (I don't usually do that), on with the chapter!**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Six**

"_And all that you can fake"_

"Kate," Dr. Burke said in greeting as the ex detective entered his office. The last time he had seen her, she had seemed so angry. Things with her writer weren't going well and it had been emotionally draining Kate. She looked a lot happier this time. She looked content.

"Hello Dr. Burke," she replied with a smile. She headed for her usual chair and sat down. Dr. Burke couldn't help but noticing she didn't have her normal stiff posture; she was much more relaxed.

"How are you Kate?" the doctor asked.

"I'm-I'm a little overwhelmed but good."

"What happened?"

"My mother's case came up again," she said quietly. Burke could see the hesitation in her eyes but she continued. "Castle tried to get me to back down. He told me he loved me again. He told me I loved me yet I still didn't back down."

"And why do you think that is?" As much as the doctor tried not to get too attached to his clients, he was glad that the writer had told Kate he loved her again; she had been starting to get worried that she missed her chance.

"He told me that he has been keeping information from me about my mother's case. He knew how much it meant to me but he still kept it from me. I felt so betrayed. I just couldn't let it go."

Burke knew that the writer would have had a good reason to keep it from her, namely her safety. He didn't know much about her mother's case—just what he had read in Kate's file—but if she had been shot over it, her life was definitely in danger.

"He told me he couldn't watch me throw my life away anymore. He told me he was done and walked out of my apartment. I was so hung up on my mother's case; I should have gone after him. But I didn't, instead I went out chasing the sniper with Javi and almost got myself killed again." She took a deep breath and ran her hand across her forehead, clearly upset by what happened next. "I was dangling from the top of a roof and suddenly I didn't care about catching my mother's killer anymore. I didn't care about my job or even my life at that point. All I cared about was Castle and the fact that I might never get the chance to tell him how much I love him."

The still broken woman in front of Dr. Burke was almost in tears by now. He could feel the remorse and regret seeping out in a wave of emotion. He knew she loved Richard Castle but he didn't see just how much until today. What he saw in her eyes was true love—the kind of love that couldn't be faked.

She smiled then and her entire manner changed. "I called out for Rick but he never came. I thought I heard his voice but then it was Ryan that pulled me up, not him. Gates was there too and she was furious. We hadn't told her that the case we were working on was connected to my mother's murder and Espo and I must have broken a dozen rules. She suspended us both."

Carter Burke was surprised that Kate was taking this so lightly; her job was her coping mechanism. "And how did that make you feel?" he asked, cringing at the cliché.

"Honestly, I didn't even care. As I looked at my badge all I could think was that I didn't have to hide behind it anymore. I wasn't afraid to admit what I really wanted anymore. I resigned." Shock passed over the man's face but he didn't say anything as Kate went to continue. "I couldn't do it anymore. I can't keep putting my life in danger like this. I went to Castle's loft that night and told him how much I love him and that I didn't want to keep denying this any longer."

"So you two are together now?" Burke asked with a small smile.

"We are," she beamed. "Actually, he's here with me today. I was wondering if you wanted to meet with the two of us."

"Of course. Bring him in."

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	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I own Castle. *wakes up* Ah damn, it was just a dream...**

**Chapter Seven**

"_Will leave you in the morning"_

"Detective Esposito, I'm sure you're wondering why I called you in here," Victoria Gates inquired when the detective got to her office.

"Yes Captain," the Hispanic man agreed. Truth be told, he was still a little distracted by what had just happened with Lanie. After he got the call from Gates he apologized profusely for having to leave. Lanie kissed him goodbye after he got dressed and they just stood there for a minute in silence.

_"Are you sure about this?" Lanie asked._

_ "Going to see Gates? No, but I would have to eventually anyways."_

_ "That's not what I meant." Esposito knew that wasn't what she meant but he wasn't about to take the leap here. He had told her how he felt; the cards were in her deck now. "I meant about us."_

_ "I'm sure about it," Esposito answered honestly, "but are you? I need you to answer this Lanie, if we were to have another "hot night" would you leave me in the morning?"_

_ "No I don't think I would."_

"Detective," Gates snapped bringing Espo back to the present, "are you currently with us?"

"Sorry Sir. What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"I wanted to talk about your suspension. It seems I may have overlooked some things. I incorrectly suspended you Detective. I expect you back at work tomorrow."

Trust Gates not to sugar coat anything or mar her stern words with apologies. Esposito wasn't sure exactly how he felt about all this. He almost saw Gates as the enemy; she had suspended him for following Beckett's orders and now she wanted him back just like that. On the other hand, it was his job and he really did want it back.

"I'll be in at the usual time tomorrow morning Sir," he said curtly.

"I suppose you will," the Captain replied, "Now go enjoy your last day off."

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Hello Mr. Castle," Dr. Burke said, extending his hand out to shake the writer's, "it's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You as well," the writer replied with a nod of his head. He was a little hesitant when Kate first asked him to go with her but how could he say no when she wanted him to so badly.

_"Kate," Castle called out when he woke up to find the spot next to him empty. He wondered if she had just gotten up and left but then he noticed that his bathroom light was on. As he got closer to the door he started hearing some muffled sobs being covered up by running water. "Kate, are you okay?" When he opened up the door she was sitting on the edge of his tub, wiping her eyes, trying to cover up the fact that she had been crying. _

_ "I'm fine Castle," she responded a little too quickly. He knew her far too well to believe that. _

_ Sitting next to her, he brought her into his arms and squeezed tight. "Come on Kate, I know you better than that. What's wrong?"_

_ "Everything is just so messed up Rick. I've put my life on hold for the past thirteen years. I've let something I cannot change determine who I am. I've hurt you over and over again because 'I haven't been ready'. I know you know that I heard you in the cemetery. I don't know how you figured it out but you know I lied. I am so unbelievably sorry for that and I wish I could change it but I can't. I never intended to hurt you; I need you to know that. I was drowning in everything that had happened; I found out my mentor and friend had been involved with the conspiracy behind my mother's murder and then he was killed. I had just been shot Castle. Just when things couldn't get any more complicated, you told me you love me. Your words made me fight for my life but when I woke up in that hospital I didn't know how to deal with them. I wasn't even sure if they were real; a part of me thought that maybe I had just conjured them up in my life altering, agonizing pained state. After that summer I started seeing a therapist all the time because I couldn't deal with it all on my own anymore. I needed to be better, for myself, for you, and for us. I started getting better thanks to Dr. Burke but it still wasn't enough. I wanted to tell you how much I love you and that I heard everything but I was still afraid. There were a couple times I let my guard down though. When I rescued you from that bank I would have kissed you right then and there if your mother hadn't have interrupted. Then the bombing at the protest rally happened and I realized I didn't want to wait anymore. I was going to tell you how I felt but..."_

_ "That's when I started pulling away," Castle filled in. "I am so sorry I did Kate, it's just, during that case is when I heard you tell Bobby in the box that you remembered everything. I should have just confronted you about it but instead I just assumed that you didn't feel the same way about me that I feel about you. I realize how wrong I was now."_

_ Kate brushed her fingertips along his cheek bones and jaw line and gave a small sigh. "We really suck at this communication thing don't we?"_

_ "A little," he laughed, "but we can fix that, with time."_

_ "I think I may have something else that might help too. Will you come see Dr. Burke with me?"_

"So what can I do for you two today?" the doctor asked the couple.

"Um, I , uh," the usually eloquent writer struggled to get out. He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to say.

"Do either of you have any concerns?" Burke was curious to hear Richard Castle's side of things.

Castle opened his mouth to say something but shut it again before looking over to Kate. She gave him a "go ahead" motion and a reassuring smile. "Well we have had some communications issues in the past."

"I can help you with that," Burke told them.


	8. Chapter 8

******Disclaimer: Marlowe doesn't have an exam tomorrow that he completely forgot about...**

**A/N: Thank you to those who pointed out my silly mistakes and typos last chapter. I really need to stop writing/proofreading in the middle of the night...**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Eight**

"_Come find you in the day"_

Walking into the precinct the next morning felt strange. So much had changed in only a couple of days. There was tension in the air—a cliché that Castle would've cringed at. Detective Esposito couldn't help but stare at the now empty desk that used to be Beckett's as he made his way over to his own desk. It was so strange seeing her desk without mounds of paperwork, coffee cups, and nick knacks such as her elephants and the Russian dolls Castle just _had_ to have cluttering it up. There was something else that didn't feel quite right but it took the Hispanic detective a moment to realize that the chair Castle had habituated for four years was now gone. Espo had the feeling that nothing was going to be quite the same in the precinct.

Esposito got the odd nod or look from the other detective's and officers in the bullpen but no one said anything to him which was fine—he didn't really feel like talking anyways. He was just sitting down at his desk when his former partner walked out of the break room with a cup of coffee in his hand.

Ryan didn't notice Esposito right away; the Irish detective's thoughts were miles away. It took Esposito nearly tripping over his own feet trying to casually get seated for Ryan to notice that his partner was in the precinct.

As the two made eye contact a rush of emotion surged through the air between the detectives. Anyone around them could sense the hurt and confusion Ryan was feeling and Esposito was practically seething with anger and betrayal.

Rationally, Javier knew that he should forgive Ryan since he saved Kate's (not to mention his own) life, but Espo wasn't thinking rationally and he was still pissed that Ryan had betrayed them to Gates.

"Javier," Ryan said in a low voice. Espo just stated stonily at him before turning to look at the murder board. Ryan figured he would still be mad but he didn't realize it would be this bad. "Javi," he tried again, "I'm sorry I got you suspended. I never meant for that to happen. I just didn't know what to do; you and Kate were so hell-bent on getting yourselves killed and I couldn't let that happen. You know I would never betray you Javi; you know I would never tell Gates that you and Kate were going after her sniper unless I had too. I've tried to contact you. I tried to find you later that day but you wouldn't answer my calls." When the Hispanic male wouldn't answer Ryan he tried one last ditch effort to get him to talk. "Come on Javi. Please talk to me. I'm your partner."

"Were," Esposito said coldly.

"Excuse me?"

"Were. You were my partner."

~O.o.O.o.O~

"You made bacon?" Castle asked excitedly as he entered his kitchen to discover Kate cooking him breakfast.

"I figured we deserved a good breakfast," she replied with a smile. During their meeting with Dr. Burke yesterday it was agreed that Kate and Rick would continue to meet with the therapist (both together and separately) to deal with any lingering or concerns. Just because they were together now didn't mean that Castle wasn't afraid that Kate could make a run for it at any time. There would be that underlying concern there for a while; but that's why they were going to see Dr. Burke.

"I love you, you know?" Castle said, coming up behind Kate and wrapping his arms around her.

The words still scared her a little but they also made her happy beyond belief which scared her even more. She wished she could say them back to him as easily as he said them to her but for some reason they just wouldn't come. She knew one day she would be able to tell him she loved him when ever she wanted but it would take time. For now she would just show him.

"I know," she told him, turning around in his arms and pressing a kiss to the side of his neck. She moved up to his jaw line and then finally pressed her lips against his. They simply breathed each other in as thy lazily kissed. Castle didn't need any declarations from Kate today; he just needed to be with her.

"Is that bacon I smell burning?" Alexis asked coming down over the stairs. She still wasn't used to her dad and Kate being together but when she saw how Kate looked at her father she could no longer deny that the woman loved him as much as he loved her. Even now they were wrapped up in each other, gazing at each other with loving eyes, and letting the bacon burn.

"Oh!" Kate exclaimed, loosening herself out of Rick's grip and turning back to the almost burnt pork.

Castle knew he could get used to this.

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	9. Chapter 9

******Disclaimer: I doubt Marlowe is as embarrassing as I am...**

**A/N: Uh, no clue where this one came from... **

**Chapter Nine**

"_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out"_

Gripping onto the ledge on the roof for dear life Kate knew she would die without getting to Castle that she was sorry for all the pain she had caused him and how much she loved him. Every missed opportunity was coming back to haunt her. She wished that she hadn't have been so stubborn. If only she had kissed him again after they saved the boys from Lockwood a year and a half ago. If only she had told him exactly what they were back when they argued in her apartment a year ago. If only she had told him the truth in the hospital when Castle asked what she remembered. If only she had just came out and told him the truth about how she felt about him. If only she had closed the distance between them and kissed him every time they stared into each other's eyes. If only she hadn't let him walk out of her apartment the previous day. If only she had told him she loved him too and agreed to back off the case.

It was too late for all of that now. She had missed her chance and now she was going to die. She just hoped that Castle could forgive her someday. The overwhelming emotion and regret were wearing her down and she felt herself slipping.

Helplessly calling out Castle's name Kate's last shard of hope disappeared. She felt her strength cease and she didn't know how much longer she could hold on. All felt hopeless; but then she heard the one thing she was terrified she would never hear again: Castle's voice.

She called out for him again and he called her name back in return until he got closer and she could finally see his face.

She never thought she would see him again, and yet here he was and she wasn't going to waste another second. "Rick I love you."

All the love she was used to seeing in his eyes was gone. "It's not enough Kate. All you care about is yourself. I lied before Kate, I don't love you. I never have." With that he looked Kate in the eyes and as her final hand slipped from the edge of the roof, he let her fall.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Kate woke up startled and covered in sweat. Her heart was racing and breathing was laboured. Her dream had felt so real; she was back on that roof, hanging from that ledge. The way her dream had ended crushed her. Even though she knew it was only a dream, hearing Castle say he didn't love her was heart breaking. He didn't even need to let her fall to her death; he had already killed her with his words.

Looking over to the man she loved sleeping beside her she knew she had to push the dream aside. She loved him and she knew he loved her and that's all that really mattered.

Castle started tossing and turning next to Kate and she heard him mumble her name. She set her hand on his shoulder and felt him shaking in his sleep. He called out her name louder and she knew he was having a nightmare as well.

"Rick wake up," she said softly, caressing his cheek, "Come on Rick. You're having a nightmare; wake up."

He stirred and didn't waste a second in pulling Kate to his chest. He just needed her close to him. He needed to feel her and know she was alive, unlike the Kate in his dream. He needed to reassure himself that his dream was just that: a dream.

"Rick? Are you okay?" Kate asked gently.

"I'm fine," he responded a little too quickly for Kate's liking.

"Rick." Kate pulled away slightly and cupped Rick's chin forcing him to look at her. "You can talk to me."

"It's just," Rick started, "I keep dreaming about your shooting or the hangar or when your apartment blew up. It's like I'm reliving them all only this time I'm not able to save you. You die in my arms as I tell you I love you. I'm not able to pull you out of the hangar in time and Lockwood shoots you. I go up to your apartment and find your lifeless burnt body. Kate you almost died two days ago and I wasn't there to save you. I can't even express how grateful I am that Ryan was there but what if he had showed up a second later? I can't lose you again Kate."

He looked so broken. She wanted to feather kisses all over his face while telling him how much she loved him but she still wasn't ready for that. However, pulling him in for a kiss she whispered, "I can't lose you either Rick. You're so far embedded in my system that I couldn't get you out even if I wanted to and losing you would be too much to bear."


	10. Chapter 10

******Disclaimer: Never going to happen...**

**A/N: I need to go... over there...**

**Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Ten**

"_Oh, you're all I taste, at night inside of my mouth"_

They both knew that they would eventually have to deal with the emotional complications all the near death situations have caused. How long would it be before Rick would stop worrying about Maddox coming after Kate? How long would it be before they would stop looking around corners for snipers and other hired killers? How long would it be before they realized they weren't going to hurt each other at every possible opportunity?

They weren't perfect but time would heal all wounds. They were both ready to dive into it and they wouldn't let a little thing like near death experiences get in their way.

"Guess this is one thing we will have to talk to Dr. Burke about," Rick finally said. Kate nodded her head in agreement; glad that Rick was willing to see the psychiatrist with her. The fact that they were both willing to work out any kinks proved that they were in this for the long run.

"I love you," Rick whispered into her ear as her pulled her closer to him. By means of response Kate pressed her lips against his. Pulling away after a brief moment they looked into each other's eyes like it was a cheesy romance novel and practically flew to each other. Open mouths locked and tongues met.

Even after being able to do this for the past few days Castle still couldn't get over the fact that this was real—this was actually happening. Kate rolled over and positioned herself on top of Rick keeping her mouth fused to his. Their kisses became even more passionate as she wrapped her leg around his and in one smooth moved he flipped them so he was on top now. Her nails clawed at his back as his hands fisted themselves in her hair.

Kate moved her hands down to the bottom hem of his shirt and ran her fingers underneath. Grasping the bottom of the shirt she pulled it over his head, tossing it to the floor. Sliding her hands down to the waistband of his sweats, she pulled them down to the point where he could kick them off. Undressing her came next; first came the oversized t-shirt of Castle's she was wearing and then her own pajama bottoms.

Fusing their mouths together again Rick's hand moved down to create friction exactly where Kate wanted it the most. Even then it wasn't enough. She wished he would touch her like she wanted to be touched—she wanted his fingers inside her, she wanted _him _inside her. Kate was already wet and judging by Rick's erection, he wanted her just as badly as she wanted him. "I need you Rick," she practically begged.

With a wicked smile Castle moved his hand to her core and began to dip a finger inside of her before pulling it back out again and running it along her folds.

Lust filled both her hazel eyes and his bright blue ones and they both knew they couldn't wait anymore. Placing himself at her entrance and pushing into her, he made his first thrust. The sensation rocked Kate in just the way she wanted.

Castle's thrusts came harder and faster until she was almost ready to cum. She couldn't help but let out a sexy little moan as he found her clit with his thumb and started rubbing it between his thumb and forefinger. Screaming out his name, she rode out her orgasm. Only Castle could make her cum this quickly—only he could make her feel this way.

His orgasm came shortly after. He spilled into her before he pulled out and they both collapsed onto the bed.

There wasn't a doubt in either mind that they would dream of each other. Even in dreams, each other was all they could taste.

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**And into hiding I go...**


	11. Chapter 11

******Disclaimer: If I owned the show I wouldn't be eagerly awaiting the release of the season five premiere title...**

**A/N: Thank you so much for all the wonderful response to last chapter. It means a lot to me.**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Eleven**

"_Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found"_

Kate was awake well before Castle the next morning. It was far too quiet in the loft with Martha and Alexis in the Hamptons which left Kate all too alone with her thoughts. She had no idea that Castle had been having nightmares too. She had been having them for the past year—ever since her shooting—due to her PTSD, but it hadn't even occurred to her before that Castle might be suffering from some symptoms of PTSD too. It couldn't have been easy watching someone you love get shot in front of you.

Kate's phone stared vibrating (no need for a loud ringtone when she knew she wasn't going to be getting called into work) and she answered it without looking at the caller ID before the buzzing against the hard wood of the table woke Rick up.

"Beckett," she answered out of habit. She wasn't expecting the loud angry voice on the other end.

"Katherine Beckett! It has been what, five days since I last heard from you and in that time you have managed to get yourself suspended?" Lanie Parish fumed. Kate tried to get a word out but not before Lanie cut her off. "Uh uh girl! You cut yourself off from everyone for almost a week and we can't seem to get a hold of you and you expect me not to ask about what's going on? I had to find out from Javi that you were hanging off a building! H had to tell me that you two were suspended and that you resigned!"

"I'm sorry Lanie," the ex detective apologized humbly. She hadn't meant to cut her best friend out of the loop; her mind had just been so preoccupied lately. "How about we go get a coffee before you have t go to work?"

"Damn straight we're going or coffee!" the feisty medical examiner exclaimed, "I'll meet you at our usual."

Kate laughed at the woman's spunk as the two of them hung up. She turned to her still sleeping partner (apparently that man could sleep through anything) and placed her hand on his cheek.

"Rick, wake up."

Making a half whining, half growling noise, Rick buried his head further into the mass of pillows and dragged the covers up to cocoon himself.

" Come on Rick, wakey wakey."

When the writer didn't get up, Kate pulled the covers back. "I'm going to go meet Lanie for coffee. I'll be back later," she explained. He grunted in acknowledgement and Kate threw the covers back over his head.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Talk girl," Lanie demanded once both women had their drinks and a bear claw.

"What do you want to know?"

"The whole story," Lanie said with an exasperated sigh.

"Promise you won't freak out until I finish?" Kate asked, knowing that wasn't going to happen.

"Fine," Lanie replied impatiently.

"I was getting sucked into my mother's case again. It was bad Lanie; I wasn't eating, I wasn't sleeping. Javi was with me every step of the way, always having my back. Rick and Kevin were against the whole thing. Apparently Rick had good reason. He came to my apartment a few days ago and begged me to step off the case. He told me that he had cut a deal for my life. It's too long and complicated to get into now but he told me if I didn't step away they would kill me. I was so angry at him Lanie. I felt like he had betrayed me. I refused to listen to him; even when he told me he loves me. He walked out Lanie—said he couldn't watch me throw my life away anymore."

"Honey I'm so sorry," Lanie sympathized.

"It's okay Lanie," Kate told her, not done her story yet, "it was my fault. After that Javi and I were running down a lead on my sniper on our own even though Ryan warned us to take backup. We found the sniper. I'm sure you know the rest of that story from Javi—how Maddox knocked him out and tossed me off a roof. While I was hanging there all I could think about was how stupid I had been to not tell Castle how much I love him. After Gates suspended us and I resigned because I realized I don't have to hide behind my badge anymore, I went to Castle's. I told him Lanie, I told him I love him." Kate smiled then, letting Lanie know that she and Castle are together now.

"Girl I am so happy for you," Lanie said sincerely. She was so glad that those two had finally got their act together—everyone could see how in love they are with each other.

"Thank you," Kate said with a smile as the two women stood up so Lanie could give Kate a hug. Everything felt right.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Kate!" Rick exclaimed when she got back to the loft. He had been so worried. When he woke up she was gone. He had called her but she must have dropped her phone on her way out because he found it right under the edge of the bed. What if she was in trouble? What if Maddox had found her? He knew he was being paranoid, but he couldn't help thinking, what if she had run because she realized he wasn't what she was looking for after all? "Kate, where the hell were you?"

"Rick calm down, I was with Lanie getting coffee."

~O.o.O.o.O~

He had the blackmail material. The plan was working better than expected.

Maddox looked through the files, smiling to himself because he knew he was one step closer to putting Kate Beckett in the ground.

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	12. Chapter 12

******Disclaimer: Yet again, if Marlowe waited this long to put out a new episode he would get fired.**

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**Chapter Twelve**

"_Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out"_

"It's been days Kevin," his wife said softly, "just call her."

"Beckett won't want to talk to me," Ryan said softly.

It was nearing a week since the events on the rooftop had occurred and Ryan hadn't heard from either Castle or Beckett at all. Jenny was more than a little worried about him. He thought that Kate would still be furious with him for "betraying" her and Javi. Jenny knew that if he just talked to her and explained his side of things then maybe she'd understand and forgive him. It wasn't as if he had really done anything wrong; all he did was try to keep them from getting themselves killed.

Jenny hated seeing her husband like this. He just looked so sad. "Please Kevin, just call her; you'll feel better."

"Okay Jenny," he finally agreed with a sigh.  
Grabbing his cell, he pushed speed dial number five (the first four being voicemail, Jenny, the precinct, and Esposito) and waited for the phone to ring. It went straight to her voicemail; she must have had her phone off. That was strange; Beckett never had her phone off. Guess he would have to call her landline instead.

It rang and rang but no one picked up. Ryan was really starting to worry now. Logically, he knew that she was fine - she had probably just gone on an errand or something and her phone had died—but he was still worried.

After an hour he tried both her phones again with the same results. Now he really was worried. Maddox was still out there; what if he had gotten to her.

On a whim he had decided to call Castle to see if he knew where she was. He couldn't say that he was overly optimistic considering how well the two of them had been getting along lately.

Castle picked up on the second ring. "Castle man, thank god!" Ryan said, conveying his relief that Castle had picked up.

"Ryan?" The confused writer asked, "What's up?"  
"I know you two haven't been on the best of terms lately but have you seen Beckett? She isn't answering her phone."

"Who is it?" Kate asked Castle in the background when she saw Castle's look of confusion.

"Ryan," he responded quietly.

"Wait was that her?" Ryan asked, a small smile creeping onto his face as he put the pieces together.

"Uh..." Castle mumbled, not sure what to say.

"Hi Ryan," Kate said to the detective, taking the phone from Castle. She hadn't really thought about how she was going to tell the boys that her and Castle were together now, but she guessed this was as good of way as any.

"Beckett. Hi," the Irish detective responded, "so you and Castle made up huh?"

"You could say that," Kate shot back with a smirk that Ryan could hear in her voice.  
Ryan couldn't help but smiling to himself. After four years of dancing around each other, it sounded like Mom and Dad were finally together.

"How are you Beckett?" Ryan asked, now slightly awkward.

"I've been good," Beckett replied honestly, "How about you?"

"I've been... I've been okay."

Kate heard the sadness in Ryan's voice and felt bad for him. He had saved her life and then she had just disappeared, leaving Ryan to think that she was angry. "It's been a while," she stated, "we should catch up."

"You and Jenny could join us at the loft for dinner," Rick added, putting his face next to Kate's so he could speak into the iPhone.

"Maybe we will," Kevin replied, happy that Kate didn't seem to be angry at him. Now if only Javi would feel the same way.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"It smells delicious Rick," Jenny commented as Castle took the lasagna out of the oven.

"Thank you Jenny."

It was just him and Jenny in the kitchen as Ryan and Kate had ventured off to the living room to talk. While Jenny and Castle made small talk, Kevin and Kate were finally getting a chance to discuss what had happened.

"So how have you really been?" Ryan asked the ex detective. She looked happy but he knew there had to be more to the story. She took in a deep breath before responding, "I won't say that it's been easy. For thirteen years I've been chasing ghosts hoping to avenge my mother's death. Hanging from that building made me realize that I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't keep up this suicide mission. Not when I have someone who cares so much for me." Kate threw a subtle glance toward the direction of the kitchen.

"Is that why you resigned?"

Kate nodded. "Part of it. I never thanked you for saving my life Kevin," she told him, using his first name like she rarely did, "I can't thank you enough for that."

"You would have done the same for he," he stated simply. Then changing the subject to a lighter topic he added, "So, if I may ask, are you and Castle together now?"

She gave him a small smile which then turned into a rather large one as she could no longer deny her happiness on the subject.

That was answer enough for Ryan and he gave her a hug. "About time. I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks Ryan."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Back in the kitchen, Castle was telling Jenny a story about Alexis, a shoe, and a jar of peanut butter when his phone rang.

"Castle," he answered, giving Jenny an apologetic look.

"Richard Castle," answered an unfamiliar voice, "Smith is dead." With a click, the mysterious man hung up.

_Smith was dead. Beckett was in danger._

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**Review?**_  
_


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer: Not even of legal drinking age yet.**

**A/N: What's this? Two chapters in two days? *gasp***

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirteen**

"_Everything will change"_

"Gates," the captain of the twelfth precinct said into her office phone the next morning. She really didn't need any more complications right now; she was already having a hectic morning. With Beckett gone and Ryan and Esposito still not getting along (they thought she didn't notice) there was too much tension in the precinct for her liking.

Ryan and Esposito—assisted by Karpowski—were just finishing up a nightmare of a case that had involved two dead teenagers, and they could all use some sleep.

"Captain Victoria Gates," a male voice said on the other end, "I am Deputy Director Frank Jackson from the Federal Bureau of Investigation. We have an issue at hand i need to discuss with you."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Less than an hour later the Deputy Director was sitting in Gate's office with an unreadable expression on his face. Gates wasn't quite sure what was going on but she had a hunch that it had to do with the murder of Johanna Beckett and all that it entailed—in fact, she would bet her badge on it.

"I think you know why I am here Captain," Jackson said, sounding like a cliché. "We have recently been contacted by a Mr. Smith about an ex. Military sniper named Cole Maddox and a conspiracy involving dirty cops and politicians. I assume you know about the murder of a former detective of yours' mother: Johanna Beckett."

Gates did indeed know about the murder of Beckett's mother and she also knew that the late Captain Montgomery had something to do with it. She knew it was big enough that the detective had gotten shot in the chest over it. It was big enough that she had risked everything and broken the rules chasing it. Victoria knew it was big, but she didn't know just how big it truly was.

"I know some," Gates agreed, "What's going on?"

"This is far larger than we originally thought," the man of authority started, "There are people far more powerful than we can even imagine involved and Kate Beckett is in danger. Smith wouldn't tell us who is behind it even though we've been investigating this for years. What he would tell us is that he made a deal with whoever it is. Somehow this Smith got a hold of blackmail material against him and told this "dragon" as they call him, that he wouldn't release that information as long as they left Kate Beckett unharmed. Then the only thing left was to make sure Kate didn't go near her mother's case. Smith got inside help for that. He made a deal with Richard Castle; Kate would remain safe as long as she stopped investigating."

Richard Castle's involvement in Beckett's safety did not surprise Gates at all. She wasn't blind; she could see how much the writer cared for the former detective. If she had learned anything about him in the past year, it was that he was unfailingly loyal. Gates could see him doing just about anything to keep the people he loved safe.

"What changed?" the female captain asked the mysterious man from the FBI.

"Leads came up. The writer couldn't keep his detective away. It gets worse: Smith is dead. The deal is over."

The captain let out an almost silent gasp. Now what would happen to Kate? "What does this mean?"

"We're not sure yet," Jackson admitted, "We currently have the best agents in the bureau on this. I'll have two of them in her tomorrow. Inform no one of any of this. As far as your detectives know these two agents are detectives transferring from another precinct. Now as for Kate, she resigned." Gates nodded even though it wasn't a question, and Jackson continued, "She is not to know anything Victoria but you need to keep her close—keep her safe. Get her back as a detective; it's the only way to keep eyes on her."

"What if she doesn't want to come back?"

"In that case, that is when you get help. From what I hear, the person who has the most influence on her is Richard Castle. Tell him the bare minimum if need be—just enough to make him see how important it is that he convinces her to come back. Is this understood?"

"Yes," Gates agreed.

With a nod of his head towards the captain, Frank Jackson exited her office, leaving Gates disgruntled and worried.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Castle!" Beckett called out, after getting off the phone with someone she didn't think she would be talking to again anytime soon.

"What's wrong?" he asked, now concerned, as he entered his office where she was sitting. He had been more than a little paranoid ever since he got that mysterious call saying Smith was dead. He felt terrible about it but he had brushed it off and didn't tell Beckett. He knew he should have but he just couldn't.

"That was Gates." Castle's eyes widened slightly. "She offered me my job back."

"Really? What did you say?" Castle knew this would come up eventually but he wasn't sure how he felt about \Kate going back to the precinct. He knew how much she loved her job but part of him was still afraid that she was going to fall back into the rabbit hole that was her mother's case. With an internal sigh, Castle knew this was something else they were going to have to talk with Dr. Burke about.

"I said no Castle," she told him. "I can't go back."

Kate herself was feeling pretty conflicted over the whole ordeal. Part of her wanted to go back. She took killers off the street for a living—something like that was too special and important to give up. On the other hand, she was done. She couldn't risk her life anymore—she couldn't risk disappearing down the rabbit hole again. She had barely made it out alive last time and she knew if there was a next time Castle would be gone for good.

"Are you really sure Kate?" he questioned. She nodded which was good enough for him. "It's your decision Kate; just remember that I'll back you up no matter which option you choose."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Not long after that Kate left for her weekly session with Dr. Burke. Just her—the joint appointment would be later.

Castle had started writing for the first time since him and Kate had fought in her apartment when the phone rang.

At first he thought he was hearing things when Gates greeted hm. Why would she be calling him? She didn't want Kate back _that_ badly did she?

"Mr. Castle, I would not be calling you if it wasn't serious. I am not at liberty to tell you what is going on—I barely know myself—but what you do need to know is that it concerns Beckett's safety. You have no need to be concerned Mr. Castle as long as you make sure she comes back to the precinct. We have the precautions here to keep her safe. Do you understand?" Gates asked, almost mirroring what Jackson had asked her.

"Yes Sir, I do."

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**A/N: What's this? An actual plot beginning to show?**

**Review?**


	14. Chapter 14

******Disclaimer: It's almost two in the morning; I am too tired to come up with something witty.**

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**Chapter Fourteen**

"_Nothing stays the same"_

Yet again Rick castle was in a position where he had to lie and keep secrets from Kate to keep her safe. He really didn't want to do this again. He couldn't do this again; not after last time. Secrets and lies were what had almost torn them apart last time. Yes, he had done it to keep her safe but that almost failed too. After everything he had done to keep her safe, she had still nearly gotten herself killed on that rooftop.

Things had changed since then. Deep down a part of him was still afraid that she would get lost in her mother's case again but he knew he had to trust her.

After Gates' call he had to head out for the joint appointment with Burke. They discussed her job and whether or not Kate should go back to work. Dr. Burke had also made it clear that is was Kate's decision to make, but he had also questioned if quitting was what she really wanted to do or if it was just a spur of the moment decision.

Castle could tell that Kate was having second thoughts as they left Burke's office which would make his job a lot easier.

"Do you really think I should go back Castle?" Kate asked him cautiously.

"I think you should consider it. You love that job Kate. You make a difference; you bring peace to families that are going through hell just like you did. You're a good cop Kate—an excellent cop. Gates has offered to give you your job back; maybe you should seize this opportunity in case she doesn't offer it again."

"You're right Rick," she sighed, "I love it too much to just stop being a cop."

"Kate," he said taking a deep breath. He had to tell her; he loved her too much to let secrets destroy them again. "There is something else you probably should know."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Kate had to take a deep breath as she walked into the precinct on her first day back. Everything just felt so wrong. Both Ryan and Esposito were sitting stiffly at their desks—refusing to even acknowledge each other. The tension couldn't be ignored. Kate couldn't help but feel responsible for one of the best partnerships she had ever seen currently being in shambles.

As if the end of the "bromance" wasn't weird enough, as she looked over to what had been her desk (which was going to be her desk again) she felt a pang of emotion when she noticed Castle's chair was gone. She didn't expect it to still be there but it hurt that it was absent none-the-less.

Castle subtly gave her arm a reassuring squeeze as he slid by her side. They had come so far; last night had been proof of that.

_"You're telling me that you got a call saying Smith is dead?" Kate asked Rick, taken aback. _

_ "Yes," he said quietly. He didn't know how she was going to take it but so far she hadn't yelled at him. "Gates also called me after she called you to make sure I go you to come back. I have no clue what is going on, she wouldn't tell me that, but she says your safety is a concern and the precinct is the safest place for you."_

_ "Rick..."_

_ "Kate. I should have told you the moment it happened. I do trust you not to drown in this again. I do. The over-protective side of me just makes it so I want to lock you away where you'll be safe but you're not a child; I shouldn't treat you like one. I love you Kate and we can get through this without keeping secrets or telling lies."_

He was right when he said he should have told her right away, but he told her. He never lied and did tell her. They would get through this: together.

After retrieving her gun and badge from Gates Kate got Castle to go find his chair and take it to her desk. With the chair in place and things finally going back to semi-normal, the pair sat down.

It was then that Kate noticed Ryan giving them a nod of acknowledgement but Esposito just staring at them with an unreadable expression.

It was time Kate finally had a talk with Javi.

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**A/N: I never intended for Castle to keep any of it from Kate.**

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	15. Chapter 15

******Disclaimer: I own copies of the DVDs, the Nikki Heat books, the Derrik Storm ebooks, and a Castle Calendar: does that count?**

**A/N: This one is for Stef and Aaron. I've annoyed them enough with my theories and conspiracies that I decided to make them feds in return.**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Fifteen**

"_Nobody is perfect"_

"Beckett," Esposito greeted—more cautious than friendly, "Welcome back."

"Thanks Javi," she replied, wondering how she was going to go about saying this. "How are... _things_?"

He saw right through the small talk and knew her hidden meaning. "Things have been, well, they've been tense. I feel Gates' eyes burning into the back of my skull. All the time; watching me; scrutinizing my every move. I don't need a babysitter!"

"I know you don't. I don't want her watching my every move either. However, we did break the rules and go behind her back before, giving her every reason to be more wary of our intentions."

Espo couldn't help but to notice a change in Beckett. First off, she was agreeing with Gates. That rarely happened. Secondly, something about the slight smile she was trying to hide and the gleam in her eyes clued Esposito in that Beckett was the happiest he had ever seen her.

Maybe she was right; Gates did have reason to not trust them. Without a word Javi gave Beckett a nod to tell her he understood where she was coming from. He turned to leave but Kate stopped him in his tracks before he could. "Javi wait. As glad as I am we had that talk, I didn't drag you away to talk about Gates. This thing with Ryan; it needs to stop. You two can't throw away your partnership over something wasn't either of you guys' fault. It was my fault we got into that mess and it was my fault that we were in so deep that Ryan had to go to Gates to get us out of it. Nobody is perfect Javier; Ryan did the right thing. I would hate to be the cause of splitting up the team."

Yet again, Esposito knew Kate was right but he was too damn proud to admit it. He still felt betrayed by his partner even though Ryan wasn't trying to betray them. The two silently left the break room to go back to their desks. Espo needed to know something first, "Beckett why did you come back?"

"Duty called," she said simply.

~O.o.O.o.O~

All three detectives—and Castle—were gathered around the murder board trying to fit pieces of their case together. The boys had been working the case of a Jane Doe: mid-twenties, brunette, Caucasian. She had a GSW to the right temporal lobe and the gun was placed in her hand to make it look like a suicide. There had been a partial print on the gun but they couldn't get a match from their system. Lanie had deemed it a homicide rather than a suicide due to the lacerations along the third and forth ribs and the contusions on her back that suggested blunt force trauma. They hadn't had any luck finding an ID for there vic and they were dead in the water.

Trust Beckett to come back when they were dealing with a tough case.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Meanwhile, Gates was holed up in her office with the two feds that would be posing as detectives transferring over from narcotics from the thirty-forth.

"Captain Gates, I'm Special Agent Nicole Ram and this is my partner Special Agent Aaron Moen," the pretty female agent said, shaking the captain's hand. Moen shook Gates' hand as well and gave her a silent nod. "As you know we are here to protect Detective Beckett," Agent Ram continued, "We will be continuing to work on the conspiracy behind her mother's murder while we keep an eye on her and the other members of your precinct to make sure they don't get into any more _situations_."

"I'm aware of that." Gates agreed, "I guess it's time to introduce you two to Beckett and her team."

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	16. Chapter 16

******Disclaimer: Unlike L.A. the sun has disappeared and it's raining like crazy (good writing weather though)...**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Sixteen**

"_Oh, but everyone is to blame"_

"Ryan! Esposito! Beckett!" Gates called out, "Can you come in here for a second? You too Mr. Castle!"

The four of them exchanged looks before entering Gates' office, wondering what they could have done wrong this time.

"Sir?" Beckett asked entering first. She then noticed two other people in the room—a tall dark haired male and a average height female with darker skin. Both were dressed in suits and had an air that screamed "fed" about them.

"These are Detectives Moen and Ram from the thirty-forth. They just transferred over from narcotics and will be working with your team for a while. I suspect that won't be an issue." Gates said sternly. The three detectives and Castle all introduced themselves to the newcomers and shook their hands.

Beckett still thought something was "off" they just seemed, well, they seemed like they had been doing this too long and were to experienced to be new detectives just transferring over from narc. Her bet was still on FBI but she would discuss it with Castle later to see if he had noticed anything strange.

For now all they could do was brief the newbies on the case and see if they could help at all.

~O.o.O.o.O~

It didn't take Agent Ram long to notice the odd relationships of the team. Something had clearly happened as there was tension among them. The Irish one—Ryan she thought his name was—joked around with the writer and the female detective but was being ignored by the Hispanic detective. The writer was trying to joke and get along with everyone whereas Mr. Tough Hispanic was just silently staring at the board. The female detective was clearly no-nonsense and very good at her job. She wasn't letting the other distractions get in the way of her work. Then there was the way that the writer looked at Kate Beckett; there was clearly something going on there but they obviously hadn't told many people yet. This was going to be one of the more interesting undercover cases Ram worked.

~O.o.O.o.O~

It was late when Moen and Ram left but everyone else was still at the precinct. Lanie had managed to find an ID for their vic. Clarissa Martin was a twenty-four year old kindergarten teacher from Ohio. Her sister Abby lived in Manhattan where she was a professor. At least she had been until she had gone missing two weeks ago.

They had talked to Abby's husband who had filed the missing person's report. He had kissed her goodbye before he headed off on the road (he was a trucker) but she hadn't called him that night. After not hearing from her for a few days and all his calls being sent to her voicemail he became even more worried. He called her sister Clarissa who came from Ohio to check up on her, but Abby was nowhere to be found.

Mark, the husband, came home and he and Clarissa reported her missing. He invited Clarissa to stay with him until Abby was found but when he went to the store one evening Clarissa was gone when he got home.

Now Clarissa was dead, Abby was still missing, Mark was hysterical, and they had no leads yet. They didn't have neither Clarissa's nor Abby's phones to pull the SIM card from and Mark hadn't noticed anything strange. Yet again, they were dead in the water.

It was nearing one am and they all needed sleep.

"Okay time to go home boys," Beckett said, as she slammed down her tenth cup of coffee.

Ryan rubbed his eyes and tried to stifle a yawn. "That's probably a good idea boss."

They said their goodbyes and started to part ways when Castle spoke up, "Wait guys! Come back here!"

Ryan and Esposito turned around and came back towards the desks. "What Castle?" Espo said gruffly.

"I can't watch this. Things are so tense between you guys. You know what happened was nobody's fault right?"

"That's not true Castle," Beckett spoke up, "it was my fault."

"Then it was everybody's and everybody is to blame. You're to blame for getting so absorbed in the case that you lose sight of everything else. Esposito, you're to blame for not stopping her. Ryan, you're to blame for telling Gates. I'm to blame for walking away and for even reopening the case in the first place!" All three detectives stood there looking stunned for what Castle had just said. "Do you see my point? We're all to blame yet none of us are so why can't we all just get along? Beckett you're strong willed and dedicated. Javier, you're loyal and won't back down from a fight. Ryan, you saved their lives. Do you guys see?"

"Ryan I'm sorry," Esposito finally said.

"I'm sorry too," Ryan replied quietly.

Kate walked out then, Rick right behind her, to let the boys have a moment.

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	17. Chapter 17

**Disclaimer: I haven't even picked my college courses yet...**

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**Chapter Seventeen**

_"All that you rely on"_

"Don't you hate it when Castle is right?" Esposito said, breaking the silence once Castle and Beckett were gone. Ryan smiled a little at the fact that Espo was making jokes with him again. Trust Castle to make everyone see the light.

"Just a little," Ryan joked back. "But seriously it's good to have you back."

Espo nodded, but even he couldn't hide the little smile that had appeared on his face. He was glad to have Ryan back too. Ryan was more than his partner, he was his best friend, and it hurt to be mad at him for so long. Especially when Castle was right, and he really wasn't to blame.

"See you tomorrow Ryan."

"See you tomorrow."

All was finally going right.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Coming through the front door Ryan rushed to the living room, pulled Jenny into his arms, and kissed her passionately. Beckett and Castle were back at the precinct, he had his best friend back, and he had a beautiful and loving wife; what could be better than that?

"Where did that come from?" Jenny asked with a small giggle. She was pleased to see her husband smiling for the first time in ages. She hated seeing him so unhappy so seeing him smile like that made her beam from ear to ear.

"Beckett came back to the precinct," Ryan started out.

"Did you really expect her to stay away?" Jenny asked, thrilled that the precinct might be getting back to semi-normal.

"True," Ryan laughed, "she's married to the job. Castle is back too."

"I'm glad; you guys need some more fun back in your life. Maybe having those two back will knock some sense into Javi."

Ryan's smile just widened. "That is the best part of today. Castle gave us all a speech about how it was everybody's fault but no one is to blame. It worked; Javi saw the light. It will probably take him a while to fully trust me again, but we made up and are partners again."

"Looks like everything is finally starting to go right huh?" Jenny commented with an even bigger grin now.

"Do you know what would make it even better?" Ryan asked, pulling Jenny close to him.

"Oh I think I have an idea."

Her lips were on his then and there wasn't a care in the world.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"I swear it gets better every time," Lanie said with a sigh as she flopped down on the bed.

Esposito flopped down next to her and pressed a couple kisses to her jaw line, "That it does Chica. It may have started out as a bad day but it certainly isn't ending that way."

"So true," Lanie agreed, "but how long do you think it is going to last? Kate will go back to her mother's case eventually; you know that right?"

"I do," he replied with a sigh, "but next time we will be smarter about it."

~O.o.O.o.O~

The house in the Hamptons was quiet and Alexis was enjoying it. Gave her time and space to think about everything that has happened in the past little while. She had talked to her dad on the phone just the night before and he had sounded the happiest he had in a while yet there was still a tone of worry in his voice. He had mentioned Detective Beckett had gone back to the precinct; maybe that was the reason behind it. Alexis didn't know if she liked that hr father was back in the precinct but there wasn't anything she could really do about it. She knew how much he loved helping catch criminals. She understood—she did. After all she got the same feeling from helping Dr. Parish. She couldn't tell her dad she didn't want him shadowing Detective Beckett anymore when she was planning on going back to her internship at the morgue.

"Alexis darling?" Martha Rodgers called out, descending the stairs in an outfit so bright and sparkly it could blind somebody. "I'm heading out to a party. Don't wait up."

"Okay Gram," the teen replied. She really didn't mind being on her own although she was starting to miss some of her friends. Maybe she would have a Skype date with Paige tonight. "Have fun!"

"Oh I will darling," the exuberant actress said with a wink and a smile.

Her family really did share too much.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"You're beginning to sound like me," Castle joked. Kate had just filled him in on all her thoughts about the two new "detectives" and how she thought they weren't what they claimed to be.

"Yeah well I still don't trust them," she replied, ignoring his teasing."There is just something off about their presence and their timing. I mean Gates wants me to come back to protect me and now there are suddenly two new detectives on my team? Doesn't that seem a little off to you too?"

"It does," Castle agreed, "but are you sure they're feds?"

"I would bet my badge on it."

Castle smirked then. "Bet your badge huh? How about you bet me instead? I was thinking they had more of a CIA vibe."

"You are so on! What are we betting?"

"Bragging rights?"

"Uh uh," Beckett vetoed. "How about if you win, I let you drag me into a supply closet once. If I win, you have to help with the paperwork for a day."

"That doesn't seem quite fair but I'm not going to back down from a challenge. You're on!"

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Do you think they caught on?" Agent Moen asked his partner.

"I'm not sure," Ram admitted, "I think Detective Beckett may suspect something."

"She does seem like a sharp one. Pretty too."

"Moen," Ram barked, "focus."

"You're jealous," he stated.

Nicole was glad she had darker skin so he wouldn't notice her blush as much. Of course she was jealous. She had secretly been with Aaron for six months. It had ended four months ago when by-the-book Agent Moen ended it because it was against the rules to date your partner. She wasn't sure if she still had feelings for him or not, but oh, he sure was good in bed.

"I am not jealous," she lied.

"Sure," he mumbled, walking away. "And for the record, I may find her pretty but you are beautiful."

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**Review?**


	18. Chapter 18

**Disclaimer: I've never even been to the states...**

**A/N: I completely forgot to say this last chapter but I am floored that I have reached 100 reviews! Thank you so much guys; you are awesome!**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Eighteen**

_"And all that you can save"_

Kate Beckett was proving to be a bigger problem than he originally thought. Or maybe she wasn't the problem: the pawns he chose to do his dirty work were. Those three dirty cops had been useless—they grew consciences over time. Dick Coonan had done a fine job of killing the people who got in his way but then he had to go and get himself found out and killed when he murdered his brother. Hal Lockwood had done his job and killed the three cops that knew too much but then he went and got himself killed too. Cole Maddox had failed him more than once in killing Kate Beckett. He was on his last chance before he had to be eliminated too. Luckily the "dragon", as he liked to be called, had another secret weapon.

If the dragon was the king in this chess game and all the other snipers and hired killers had been pawns, his new weapon was a bishop.

With Smith gone Kate Beckett didn't stand a chance. No one could save her now.

A knock on the dragon's door broke him out of his thoughts and he called out for them to come in.

"You asked to see me sir?" his bishop noted.

"Yes I did. What have you found out about Kate Beckett and what she knows?"

"Not much sir," the younger man said quietly.

"Well that's not good enough is it?" the dragon asked with a cruel sneer.

"No sir, it's not."

"And what do you think you should do about that?"

"Try harder and find out more?"

The dragon clapped slowly and with heavy sarcasm in his voice stated, "You may have a brain in there after all."

Well, Kate Beckett didn't stand a chance if the dragon could find a chess piece worth using.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Breaking into Kate Beckett's apartment was easier than it should have been—you'd think she would have better security than that.

The detective wasn't home at the time; she was over at that rich writer's place. That was perfectly fine—gave him better opportunity to do his job.

_Technology is a wonderful thing_, he thought to himself as he bugged the detective's apartment.

Taking one last peek at the detective's homemade Johanna beckett murder board, he slipped out of the apartment.

Well that job was done.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Are you sure you have to go back to your apartment?" Castle whined.

"Yes Castle," Kate answered for the fifth time, "I am not moving in with you yet; I still need my own space. Your mother and daughter are coming home from the Hamptons tomorrow."

"What does that matter? They are perfectly okay with you being at the loft."

"Castle, please," she said extending her hand out towards him, "I'm not leaving you; I just need to live in my own apartment."

"Fine," he huffed. They both knew this argument was far from over.

The taxi dropped Kate off at her building and she promptly paid him. Sighing, she made her way up to her apartment. She didn't want to sleep in her cold empty bed tonight but she really did need some space from Castle. She needed some time to wrap her head around the past week and everything that had happened.

She noticed something was off as soon as she entered her apartment but she wasn't sure what. She had to be at the precinct soon—she had only come here now because she ran out of clothes at Castle's and needed to change for work—so she didn't have much time to figure out what it was.

It was then she noticed that the shudders on the window she used as a murder board for her mother's case were open. She hadn't opened them since right before she had fought with Castle over the case, and they had certainly been closed the last time she was here.

Her fingers were already moving to press Castle's speed dial into her phone. "Rick," said after he greeted her, "I think someone's been in my apartment."

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**Review?**


	19. Chapter 19

**Disclaimer: If I owned Castle I would probably be meaner than Marlowe so be glad I don't...**

**A/N: Wasn't going to upload until later but this is for someone awesome who I just found out is a browncoat.**

**I had to...**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Nineteen**

_"Will leave you in the morning"_

Castle got to Beckett's apartment not long after the uniforms. Beckett didn't notice that anything was missing so clearly it wasn't a robbery. No it had to be information they were after; why else would they take nothing but leave the doors to her murder board open. After searching the whole place the unis found two bugs and a hidden camera. Without a doubt this had to do with her mother's murder.

"Kate, please come stay with me for a couple more days," Castle begged her after the cops left. Her apartment clearly wasn't safe and he didn't want her in harm's way.

"I'll be fine here Rick. We got the bugs and I'm armed."

"No Kate, it's not safe here. What if you had been here when your place was bugged? You could have been killed! Do you understand that?"

"You make me sound like I'm helpless Rick! I'm not! Do you understand _that_?"

"Of course I understand that! I'm not saying you're helpless, I just think you should stay with me for a couple days." She just didn't get it did she? She didn't get how he was just trying to help her stay safe. He wished he had never looked at her mother's file four years ago. Maybe if he hadn't, they wouldn't be in this mess now.

"Don't patronize me Rick. I'm not a child!" she spat. She wasn't Alexis; he couldn't try to boss her around and control her every move like he did with his daughter.

"You're sure as hell acting like one! Can't you see I'm trying to help you? Trying to keep you safe?"

"Do you want to know how you can really help me?" she seethed—her anger and frustration growing.

"How Kate?" he spat out—his own anger growing too. Why the hell was this woman so frustrating?

"Give me my own goddamn space! Want to know how else you can help me? Help me find whoever was in my apartment!"

"You have to be kidding me!" Rick was beyond angry now; he was furious. "You're seriously going to go back to looking into your mother's case? We both know that is the reason your apartment was broken into in the first place! Seriously Kate, how many times are you going to almost die before you finally give up? I thought we had gotten past this! I thought you were finally going to let it go. This is exactly why I didn't tell you anything about Smith and him contacting me! Because you wouldn't let it go; you would chase it until you were in the ground! You know that's where you'll end up if you don't stop this right? In the ground! Don't you understand what that would do to me?"

"Of course I do Rick! I need to get this jackass off the streets! What if it had been your apartment they bugged? What if Alexis had been home? I would never forgive myself if I was the reason your child got hurt. That's why I need to do this." She almost sounded defeated by her last sentence.

"Don't you dare use emotional blackmail on her," he said, his voice quiet but full of venom.

"Like you did with me!" she fumed, her voice gaining volume again. "What would you call what you said last time we fought about this if it wasn't emotional blackmail? 'Four years, I've been right here. Four years. Waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I'm right here! Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee, just so I can see a smile on your face. Because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating, person I've ever met. And I love you Kate, and if that means anything to you, if you care about me at all, just don't do this.' Do you remember that Castle? Telling me you love me and trying to use my feelings for you to get me to stop! You can use emotional blackmail but I can't?"

"I don't remember you saying those words back to me Kate! What, did you just say 'I love you' to me that night you came here because you were afraid I would leave you if you didn't? Do you actually love me Kate or do you just want your partner back to help you solve your mother's case?" He knew it was a low blow but he was pissed off and wasn't thinking.

"Is that what you think?" Kate hissed, her voice low and full of rage, "Get out."

"I'm already half gone Kate."

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**A/N: *ducks from flying objects* Don't hate me...**

**~Rose**


	20. Chapter 20

******Disclaimer: Don't think Marlowe has his parents interrupt his writing time on a daily basis...**

**A/N: Wow what a wide range of reviews for last chapter. I got everything from people agreeing with what I did to being told to grab a bullet proof vest. Hopefully this semi-makes up for it...**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty**

_"Will find you in the day"_

"What have you found?" Beckett asked the boys in a no-nonsense tone when she got to the precinct. She didn't want to talk about the break-in in her apartment and she didn't want to talk about why Castle hadn't come in with her today. She knew luck wouldn't be on her side.

"Where's Castle?" Ryan asked. She knew it.

"He had something else to do," she replied stiffly. She knew the boys didn't believe her by the looks they gave but she just brushed them off. They had a murder to solve and complaining about a fight with her boyfriend wasn't going to solve it.

"What happened at your apartment this morning?" Espo asked, confirming Kate's suspicions that they were going to let her just work in peace without asking questions. "We heard that your apartment was broken into and bugged."

"Someone was after information on my mother's case. We have it taken care of." Changing the subject so they could get down to work she added, "Have you taken a look at the vic's phone records yet?"

"The only calls Clarissa had made in the last month were work and her sister," Esposito informed the female member of their team, "and she received one call from her brother-in-law which was when he called her for help when Abby went missing."

Ryan jumped in and added, "However, she also received two calls from a burner cell. Totally untraceable."

"Did she answer? When were the calls?" Beckett asked, trying to get some facts.

"One call came two days before she died," Espo stated, "they talked for five minutes. The other call was exactly two weeks before that and it lasted ten minutes."

"Hmm," she mused, "have you checked financials or contacted anyone she knew other than the brother-in-law?" The boys both shook their heads "Well you better get on that." They could tell from her tone she wasn't in a good mood and they should just do what she said. Scattering off in their own directions to fulfil order, the boys left Beckett to her own devices.

She knew she was unreasonably taking her anger and frustration out on them and it wasn't fair but words just seemed to be coming out harsh before she could stop them. She was just so frustrated with Castle! He didn't get that she was a detective; she could take care of herself.

She wasn't immortal though. She had almost died many times before and she could almost die again. You would think the scars she wore would remind her of this fact but her mother's case tended to make her blind to everything else. That lack of sight had almost lost her the man she loved. She couldn't let that happen again. She thought she could quit the case but clearly she couldn't, but at the same time she couldn't become so obsessed again that she lost her life—or Castle. She needed a middle ground.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Why was she so damn maddening? He just didn't understand how she could give such disregard to her own safety. He wished she didn't put on blinders when it came to her mother's case. If only she would just let him in, he could help. Instead they kept fighting the same fights over and over again and he wasn't sure how much longer he could do it for. He wasn't kidding last time: he couldn't watch her throw her life away. She had died in front of him. He knew what it was like to see her lights go out, to hear her heart stop beating—to experience that again would kill him.

His phone started blasting the ringtone he had set for Kate and he reluctantly picked up. "What Kate?" he asked harsher than he meant to, but he felt she deserved it.

"I was wrong and I'm sorry," she said quietly.

"Kate," he sighed, "how many times are we going to do this?"

"Rick just open your door."

Castle went and opened the door and let the disgruntled detective in. She looked as drained as he felt. He had a strange sense of déjà vu, although this time she wasn't soaking wet and attacking him with her lips.

"You were right. My place isn't safe and I need to stop diving head-first into this. I don't know how to give it up but I need to stop letting it control my life. I need you Rick. The two of us can solve it together. We can do it safely, and if we get in over our heads again we can get help."

Castle closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths. Here they were going at the case again—but this time they would do it together. "I have a condition," he finally told her.

"Yes," she breathed, just happy that he hadn't shot her down or kicked her out.

"We go to Gates and you stay here until we can guarantee your apartment is safe."

"That's two conditions," she noted, "but I think I can accept those terms."

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**A/N: I only said "semi-makes up for it"...**

**Review?**


	21. Chapter 21

**Disclaimer: I'm officially out of creative ways to say I don't own the characters.**

**A/N: This is a short one but I wanted it to stand alone. To address a guest review, Liz Bartly, I don't see an issue with an eighteen year old living at home. I'm just living there for one semester of college before I go off to university. **

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-One**

_"Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out."_

All was far from fixed. Nothing was ever perfect in a relationship and both Castle and Beckett knew that. They would fight, and there may be tears. They would scream, and then freeze each other out. They would storm out on each other, and sleep in separate apartments. They couldn't focus on that side of it though. There would also be smiles and laughter. There would be kissing and sex. There would be pancakes and more of Castle's _interesting_ creations. There would be love.

They sat on Castle's couch, not daring to touch each other for the fear the dam would break. There was still so much unresolved tension in the room even now. Castle would always be overprotective and Beckett would always be stubborn. They were both still wary of each other, uneasy from the fight. At the same time they both had the urge to be all over each other. It was like they didn't know whether they should keep their distance or kiss each other senseless.

"I do, you know," Kate finally said, breaking the silence.

"Do what?" a confused Castle asked. He still wasn't quit looking her in the eyes, afraid he would lose himself in their depth.

"Love you," she said quietly. His head snapped up to look at her but she averted his gaze.

He reached out to grab her chin and turn her head to face him. "Say it again," he whispered, not daring to believe she had said the words when they weren't in danger or she was afraid she was going to lose him.

"I love you. I wasn't saying it last time because I was afraid I was going to lose you. I love you and I probably have for longer than I'd like to admit. I was in denial for so long. I didn't want to love you because I didn't think I was capable of that type of emotion anymore. I closed myself off after my mother died. When you lose someone that close to you, you become afraid that every person you let in will leave you. I didn't want to feel that pain again so I just didn't let people in—until you. You wormed your way into my life and slowly made me fall for you. You made me want to change Castle. You have saved me more than you know. I meant it when I said I love you."

Her eyes were so full of love, and passion, and longing. The dam broke then as Castle slid his hands up to her face and pulled her to him. When their lips met it was neither soft nor delicate, but oh, was it ever passionate.

Yes, all was far from fixed. Doubts may still linger deep underneath but they had each other and they had love, and that was enough.

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**A/N: Officially half way through this story!**

**Review?**


	22. Chapter 22

**Disclaimer: If Marlowe didn't put Castle and Beckett in an episode he would probably get in trouble...**

**A/N: I had fun. All I can say about this. Maybe too much fun...**

**Sorry if I didn't get around to responding to your review. I'm out of town with no wifi and have to go sit in coffee shops to even upload chapters.**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Two**

_"Oh, you're all I taste, at night inside of my mouth"_

"Those three cops were really in over their heads weren't they?" Special Agent Moen commented, shaking his head as him and Ram looked through file after file of compiled information on the Johanna Beckett case. They seemed to be getting nowhere real fast with the case. They were FBI, they should have known more information about this so far than the NYPD, yet they still seemed to know very little. It had to have taken someone with unbelievable power to organize an operation like this. Someone had seen Raglan, McAllister, and Montgomery kidnap mobsters for money had had used blackmail to get them to hand the money over to him. With the money came more power which probably led to the "dragon" becoming power hungry. Whoever was in charge wouldn't have wanted anyone else to find out that he had been involved with illegal activities so naturally he used his large sums of money to hire ex Special Forces to do his dirty work and kill anyone who threatened to ruin him.

"Yes, that they were," Ram agreed. "What I don't get is how this "dragon" caught them. If we figured out how and why he was there then maybe we'd have a better shot at finding out his identity."

"We have no witnesses though. The only ones who were there was the three cops and all three of them are dead now," Moen noted.

"That's not true," Ram corrected, "there were two more people there. Armen, who is also dead now and the mobster they were trying to snatch. I think we need to take a go at Pulgatti."

"Pulgatti is definitely someone we need to look at," Moen agreed.

The two went back to silently leafing through files, an awkward tension filling Ram's apartment. Ram had been watching Detective Beckett and her writer closely when they were all in the precinct together. She saw the way they subtly hid a relationship they obviously had. You would have to be blind to not to see how much they cared for each other. Nicole was all too familiar with pretending not to be completely in love with a partner. She had been trying to deny she was in love with Aaron Moen for far too long and so far she had gotten nowhere with that. No matter how many times she told herself she had no feelings for him anymore her heart told her otherwise.

From everything Ram had seen and heard about Detective Beckett she was starting to get a pretty good read on the woman. She was a dedicated detective, driven by her mother's death, on a hunt for justice. She was good at what she did even if it did get her in trouble sometimes. Richard Castle couldn't have liked how often Kate put herself in danger over the case and it had probably caused them to fight more than once. It made Nicole wonder if an almost impossible shot at justice was worth the risk of losing the people you cared about the most.

"Would you do it?" Nicole finally asked her partner.

"Do what?" Moen asked only half paying attention. He was still absorbed in financial records and old reports.

"Look into the murder of a family member so desperately even if it means you may lose someone you love." His eyes finally met hers and Moen could tell it was really bugging Nicole.

"I think when you lose someone in such a brutal way, you do whatever you have to, to find out why it happened. You know that. Sometimes that means making sacrifices."

"Making sacrifices? Is that what you call it? Being so obsessed over something that you let it take over your life—let it alienate a relationship with someone you love—that's just a sacrifice to you?"

Aaron wasn't sure what had set Nicole off or why she was so angry. She had gone from calm to raging in mere minutes. Suddenly it dawned on him; she must have been comparing them to Kate Beckett and Richard Castle. Clearly the two had feelings for each other but she was so focused on her mother's case. It reminded him so much of when he first met Nicole. She was fresh to the bureau and clearly emotionally wounded. She never wanted to be a fed but after her sister Ari was murdered by a serial killer she switched from training to become a detective to becoming an FBI agent. He knew her for two years before he figured out he was in love with her. She wouldn't let him in until it was too late though. By the time they finally opened their eyes and got together they were already partners. They dated secretly but they both knew it was wrong so he broke it off.

It wasn't a wonder she was upset; this must bring back too many memories and emotions for her. It did for him too. He remembered the days of Nicole chasing a ghost of a serial killer. She almost got killed more times than he could count.

"I didn't mean it like that Nic," he said softly, "I know you're afraid that you were just like Kate Beckett but you weren't. You stopped Nic."

Not knowing which one initiated it first, they were suddenly inches away from each other. Their lips locked together as their hands fisted in each other's hair. It was passionate and everything they had missed but it was so wrong. They were partners; they shouldn't be doing this. At that moment they didn't care as they made their way to Special Agent Ram's bedroom.

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**A/N: You guys do trust me that this adds to the plot right?**

**Review?**


	23. Chapter 23

******Disclaimer: I am sad to say I don't own Castle and Beckett. However, I can proudly claim Moen and Ram.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Three**

_"Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found"_

It was just like a movie. The morning light shone through the window as she rolled over and saw the man she loved in bed with her. Reaching out to run her fingertips along his strong jaw line, she smiled to herself. She could certainly get used to this.

He looked much younger when he slept—much more at peace. She hated to leave the bed.

Pressing a kiss to the sleeping man's cheek, she leaned in and whispered, "I love you," into his ear.

Yes, Agent Ram could get used to this—but she wouldn't. He was her partner and they were working a case that could potentially be high profile and was most definitely dangerous. She couldn't risk his life and lives of those they had set out to protect by being together. The bureau didn't allow it.

Getting dressed didn't take long—she decided to skip taking a shower this morning, allowing her to leave quicker. Nicole took one last look at Aaron—wishing it was another time, another place, and different circumstances—and slipped out of the room.

~O.o.O.o.O~

In a different part of Manhattan, in a very different apartment, a similar scene occurred. Kate Beckett was awake before Richard Castle and she couldn't help staring at him while he slept (she was starting to understand why Castle could spend hours staring at her—creepy or not) and wondering what she had done to deserve a man like him. He loved her despite all her scars and emotional damage and that in itself was a small miracle.

She could only watch him for a couple minutes as they had to get up and go into the precinct. It was her day off but they decided they needed to go in and tell Gates about her apartment and how they were certain it was connected to her mother's murder.

They knew they couldn't cut Gates out of it this time—Kate would lose her job for good. Gates and Beckett may clash but she knew the captain was good at her job and could help them.

"Rick, it's time to get up," she told the sleeping writer, lightly cupping his cheek with her palm.

"Go ba' to sleep," he mumbled, burying his head in the pile of pillows.

"Come on Rick, you know we have to go to the precinct."

When the writer didn't stir, Kate pressed a kiss to his shoulder blade. She kissed her way along her shoulder, up his neck, and along his jaw line before removing her lips.

"Mmm Kate, don't stop," he moaned. He didn't mind being woken up if this was how she was going to wake her up every morning.

Kate laughed which made Rick even happier. Oh how he loved her laugh. "You like that do you?" she asked in a sultry tone.

He had barely been awake two minutes and she was already killing him. Rolling over he whispered, "You have no idea." She smiled at the memory of her saying that to him after their first case together. She's glad she didn't sleep with him that night like she was tempted to. They would have slept together and then probably wouldn't have seen each other again since back then she was just a conquest for Castle. No, this was far better. They may have taken their own sweet time getting together but after everything they had been through they knew this was real.

He kissed her: soft, and slow, and sweet. Kate had a feeling they wouldn't be getting into the precinct until much, _much_ later, and she didn't even care.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Much, _much_ later Castle and Beckett walked into Victoria Gates' office. "Sir," Beckett greeted.

Gates peered over her reading glasses and set down the stack of reports she had been approving. "You wanted to speak to me Detective?"

"I did. Do you remember how my apartment was broken into?" Kate started. Gates nodded that yes, indeed, she did remember and the detective continued. "Nothing was stolen but my place was bugged."

"Yes, I heard that," Gates nodded, "do you have anything to add?"

"I noticed something odd when I got home," she stated, "I have a makeshift murder board for my mother's case in my living room and it was disturbed."

"Are you sure?" the captain asked, not even bothering to comment on Kate having a murder board in her apartment.

"Positive. I have it on my window and always keep the shutters closed over it. They were definitely closed when I left my apartment and they were open when I got home. It has to have something to do with my mother's murder; there's no other explanation for it. Please Sir, you have to let us investigate this. This has to end before someone else gets killed."

"Kate," Gates said in a much softer tone. Beckett was taken aback; it was the first time the captain had ever used her first name. "I don't want you to stay in your apartment until we catch this son-of-a-bitch. Do you have somewhere else to stay?"

"Yes Sir, I do," she replied, trying not to make eye contact with Castle.

"Good. Just tell me the address and I'll put a protective detail on you. I'll put one on your place as well Mr. Castle."

"Well... uh..." Beckett stammered, not sure how she was going to get herself out of this one.

"Her father is out of town so I offered her my guest room," Castle lied smoothly. Kate knew she would have to thank him for his quick thinking later.

"Uh huh," Gates murmured, clearly knowing there was more to the story. Luckily she didn't push the issue any further.

"Can we investigate then Sir?"

"Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle, take a seat." Kate snuck a glance at Castle and noticed he looked as worried as she felt. This couldn't be good. "I think it's about time we let you in on what's going on."

~O.o.O.o.O~

_FBI. Gates had involved the FBI. Or rather the FBI had involved Gates. _Kate couldn't believe that the case was actually being investigated. She wasn't quite sure how she felt about it.

She was standing outside Gates' office after being briefed with Castle and Detectives—Agents—Moen and Ram. "So you two are agents huh?" she heard the over enthusiastic writer next to her ask.

Moen nodded. Putting on a suave tone and slight British accent he said, "Moen. Aaron Moen. Bacon, not burned." Castle laughed but Ram and Beckett just rolled their eyes.

"You'll have to forgive him," Ram said to the female detective, "he seems to think he's Bond but he's more 'get smart' than double-o-seven." She was trying to lighten the tension between her and her partner that had been there since she left him in her bed this morning.

This time Kate was the one who laughed while Moen shot Ram a pouty look.

"You know what I just realized?" Kate asked with a wicked smile in Castle's direction. "They're FBI not CIA. I win! You have to help me the next time I have to do paperwork." The writer just groaned. He had been hoping she wouldn't remember that.

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**Review?**


	24. Chapter 24

******Disclaimer: {Insert witty disclaimer here}**

**A/N: For a fellow R&J hater and Rosaline (the Shakespeare character, not me) lover: I had to.**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Four**

_"Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out"_

The next day was an unproductive one at the precinct. They were still nowhere with the Clarissa Martin case and they hadn't found Abby yet either. Every lead led to a dead end and everyone was tired and frustrated.

Castle and Beckett were in the break room getting their eighth cups of coffee for the day. Espo had given her a strange look when she had dragged Castle off with her but she didn't care; she just needed a moment alone with him.

"So what are you going to do to me now that you have me alone Detective?" Castle asked suggestively.

"I'm," she started in a suggestive tone, taking a step closer to him. "Going," she leaned in so close he could feel her breath on his face. "To," she brushed her teeth against the lobe of his ear. He felt his arousal growing and tried to let out the breath he had been holding in. "Get a cup of coffee," she finished, pulling away from him and grinning as she walked over to the espresso machine.

_Dammit_, that woman really was going to kill him.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Outside the break room, peering in the window with unbelieving eyes, was Esposito. He must be going crazy because he couldn't have just witnessed Kate Beckett almost kissing Richard Castle. He wished he could hear what the hell they were saying in there.

"Ryan!" he called his partner over, "Ryan you have to see this."

The Irish detective made his way over to his partner and smiled to himself. Castle and Beckett were making coffee, which would have looked perfectly normal if you didn't know them well. The soft meaningful glances between them, the gentle brushes of skin as they worked around one another; they were all indicators of the pair's newfound relationship status. Well they had basically been in a relationship for the past four years but now they were out of denial about it.

"Bro does it look like they're together to you?" Espo asked his partner.

Ryan had to stifle a laugh. He was guessing they hadn't told Javier that they were together yet. "Have I mentioned I won the bet?"

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Darling, you're home!" Martha called out when her son entered the loft. She and Alexis had only gotten home a couple of hours ago but Castle had been at the precinct at the time.

"Hello Mother," he greeted, "how was your trip?"

"Lovely," the actress responded with a smile. "I enjoyed myself at numerous parties and Alexis had a nice relaxing break after all the stress she was going through."

It didn't shock Castle at all that his mother was out "partying" while his daughter just relaxed—typical them. "Where is that daughter of mine anyways?"

"She's up in her room," Martha answered. "Where's Kate?"

"She went back to her apartment to change. We were thinking we should all go out for dinner tonight."

"That's a lovely idea Richard."

"What's a lovely idea?" Alexis asked as she descended the stairs. The red-head practically flew into her father's open arms before he got a chance to answer her.

"All of us going out for dinner tonight," he told her.

"That's a good idea," she agreed, deciding that everyone looked far too tired to cook. "Will Kate be there too?"

"That was the idea." Castle knew his daughter was still a little wary of his relationship with Kate but she seemed to be accepting it decently. Maybe a nice family dinner was what they all needed.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Dinner was a pleasant event. They ended up going to an Italian restaurant that they all loved. After way too much pasta, salad, and bread, the four of them were all full to the point of being stuffed, but the conversation was still going. Castle and Beckett talked about the Martin case and their lack of leads. They also talked about the boys and the look on Esposito's face when they left the break room earlier. Both Martha and Alexis laughed as they pictured the Hispanic detective gaping at the new couple making coffee and flirting. Rick and Kate both decided it would be best if they didn't bring up the Johanna Beckett case or Kate's apartment this evening. Alexis and Martha talked about their trip to the Hamptons and all the antics Martha was up to. Kate nearly choked on her water from laughing so hard at Alexis' story about Martha and a feather boa—Castle on the other hand just shook his head at his mother.

He may have appeared to be embarrassed by some of the stories that were being swapped but secretly he was enjoying every second of it. This was family: all the teasing and stories, his mother drinking yet another glass of wine, Kate and Alexis having an in depth conversation about which female characters from Shakespeare's plays they liked and which they thought wee rather silly. He couldn't hide the contentment from his face as he smiled at these three wonderful women.

"You look happy," Kate noted quietly.

"I am happy," he told her placing a kiss to the side of her head. They smiled at each other before sharing a brief kiss that was broken up too soon by Martha pretending to cough.

"You two are bordering on disgustingly cute," the actress stated as Alexis nodded her head in agreement.

"What can I say," the writer shrugged with a smile, "she's in my veins."

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	25. Chapter 25

******Disclaimer: If I was Marlowe i could afford a cell phone that actually works.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Five**

_"No I cannot get you out"_

"Dinner was great wasn't it?" Castle asked between heavy breaths and kisses.

They were back at the loft again and both Castle's mother and daughter had gone up to their rooms, leaving Castle and Beckett alone. Rick had Kate pinned against the wall in the living room and was currently attacking her neck with his lips. She moaned as he reached her pulse point and started sucking feverously on it.

"It was," she agreed, barely able to speak. She wished he would stop talking. She just wanted his lips on hers and his hands to roam her body.

"I love how easily you, Alexis, and my mother can talk," he admitted.

"Your family is great," she told him sincerely.

"You're a part of my family too you know." He backed up a step so he was no longer touching her as his blue eyes searched for her hazel ones.

"I know," she said in a small voice. It scared her how okay with that she was. If any other man had said that to her she would have ran, but here and now with this man who loved her and whom she loved, she was okay with it. She really did adore his daughter and mother and was glad that she had been accepted into this little family.

"I mean, I know you still need your space and all and you're not ready to move in yet but I love having you around here so much and I don't want you to go back to your apartment even after it's deemed safe." He was rambling on now and she cut off his words with her lips.

"Rick, I promise you we will discuss this. Just not now. I'm not saying I never want to live with you, but at the moment it's just too soon."

"Okay," he agreed. "Just let me know when because I can have the closet cleaned out in no time and..."

Her finger went over his lips and she gave him a sultry little smile. "Castle, shut up and show me what else your mouth can do." She wanted his lips on hers now. She wanted them on her breasts, on her thighs. Then there was his fingers; she wanted his fingers to trail all over his body until they reached the spot she wanted them the most.

His mouth met hers, hot and wet. Pulling on each other's lips with their teeth and sucking on each other's tongues, hands started to roam and clothes started coming off.

"Castle, I think you better take me to your bedroom now," the detective panted.

For once the writer did exactly what he was told.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Sometime after round three, Castle was laying next to Kate, lost in thought.

"What's wrong?" Kate asked him, trailing her fingers through his hair.

"I didn't realize you were still awake," he said, pulling her closer to him in his arms.

"Have been for a while," she admitted, "What's on your mind?"

"Alexis," he finally sighed, "I just can't believe she's going off to college in a month."

Kate wondered when this issue was going to come up. She knew he was worried that going off to college meant Alexis would be going to more parties and getting involved with more boys but Alexis was a good kid and could handle it.

"She'll be fine Castle. She's smart."

"I know she is," Castle agreed, "I'm just worried that I'll never get to see her. I feel like I'm being abandoned."

"You're not being abandoned Rick," she told him, running the back of her hand down his cheek. "She'll still be in the city," she reassured, "you'll still get to see her." Lightening her tone she added, "Besides, your mother and I are still here. You're not getting me out of your life that easy."

She kissed the cheek where her hand had just been and he relaxed. She was right, he was being irrational in thinking that he would never get to see his daughter. She was also right when she said he still had her and his mother.

Just a couple of short months ago, if you had told Rick that he would be lying in bed with the woman he loved while she reassured him that he wasn't getting her out of his life anytime soon, he would have thought it was impossible. After he heard her tell the bombing suspect in interrogation that she remembered everything about her shooting, he figured she didn't love him back. He had been so very wrong about that.

~O.o.O.o.O~

The call came just before six in the morning. Beckett answered her phone sleepily and Ryan's voice came through the other end informing her that a body had been found in an abandoned warehouse. Not just any body: Abby White's body, and she had been tortured and beaten to death.

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	26. Chapter 26

**Chapter Twenty-Six**

_"No I cannot get you out"_

Castle couldn't get it out of his head that there was something wrong with this case. He couldn't explain what it was; there was just something that seemed _off_. Maybe he was just paranoid.

Castle and Beckett met Lanie in the morgue where she informed them that although Abby had been beaten, the cause of death had been suffocation. There had been no clues to the killer's identity but Lanie had found a key in Abby's pocket.

Now they were meeting with the husband again to tell him his wife was dead and see if he could shed any light on the situation.

"Mr. White," Beckett greeted Mark White when he answered his door.

"Detective Beckett, Mr. Castle," he replied, acknowledging them both. He motioned for them to come in and offered them to take a seat on the couch. "Is there any news on Clarissa's murder or Abby's disappearance?"

Kate's face dropped a little. She hated this part. She knew what it was like to have a detective tell you someone you love is dead. She knew what it was like to have your whole world fall apart with just a few simple words. Kate felt Castle's hand brush along the small of her back and she knew she had to continue.

"I'm so sorry Mr. White but we found your wife's body."

Tears welled up in the husband's eyes. He looked completely broken—Kate knew the feeling.

"Where was she found?" Mark finally managed to choke out.

"In an old warehouse," the detective responded, "She was suffocated"

"Do you have any idea what sick bastard did this to her and Clarissa?" Mark asked, clenching his fists.

"Not yet," she admitted, "but we were wondering if you could help us with something."

"Anything," he agreed.

Kate nodded, understanding that Mark would go to ends of the Earth to help solve his wife's murder. "This key was found in her pocket," she said, holding out they key for him to see, "do you know what it's from?"

"Of course," he answered, "it's from her filing cabinet."

"Do you know what the cabinet contains?" Castle asked, finally speaking up.

"Abby was a law professor; they were files from an old case she was studying. Her Uncle Charles—Charles Smith—was a lawyer and gave her the files. I didn't think that was legal but I didn't ask. I wish I would have now. Do you think that might be what got her killed?"

"We don't know Mr. White," Beckett said in a calm voice. "Her murder could have nothing to do with those files but we'll never know if we don't investigate it."

Castle's feeling that there was something off about this case only got worse when the name Smith was mentioned. He knew it was a common name and he shouldn't worry about it being _the_ Mr. Smith but he also knew he would never settle that nagging feeling in his stomach until he asked. "Where is Charles Smith now?"

Recognition flashed across Kate's face as she realized what Castle was doing. The name Smith must have made him wonder. It was such a common last name that she had decided not to worry about it.

"I don't know. We haven't heard from him in a while," Mark told them. "He was acting strangely last month when he was here and when he gave Abby the files he mentioned a couple names but I could only hear one. Cole something."

There wasn't a doubt in Kate's mind now that this was the same Mr. Smith that was involved with her mother's case. She needed to know what was in that cabinet. "Mr. White can we see those files?"

"Of course," he responded, leading the detective and writer further into the house and motioning towards the filing cabinet.

Opening the drawer with shaking hands and bated breath the detective tried not to have an outburst as she saw files on Johanna Beckett and her associates.


	27. Chapter 27

****** Disclaimer: Still picking college courses.**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Seven**

_"Oh no, I cannot get you out"_

"What is it with this case?" Kate demanded of no one in particular later that day when she was finally alone with Castle. As soon as they had reported to Gates that it was connected to Kate's mother's murder Gates had insisted that she go home. _"I'm not benching you from the case Beckett; I just think it would be better if you took the rest of the day off to clear your head," _Gates had told her. She had agreed as long as she was notified if any substantial leads came up. "It keeps showing up at unexpected times to kick us in the ass!"

Castle ran a hand through his hair and sighed. Abby White had no clue what she was getting herself into when she had taken those files from Mr. Smith. So many people involved in this were now dead. Who would be next? Kate? One of the boys? The stakes seemed to be getting higher and higher every time a player was taken out of the game.

Kate was still reeling that the cases were connected. Castle tried to calm her down by setting his hand on her arm but he could still feel how tense she was. "We'll get through it Kate, you know we will."

A sob finally came and suddenly came out of her and suddenly Kate was in his arms. She hated crying; it made her feel so weak. If she had learned anything from the case with the sniper that occurred months ago it was that sometimes it was okay to be weak and broken. She didn't really want to break down over her mother's murder right now but if she had to break down Richard Castle's arms were the place she wanted to be.

"Shh Kate, it's going to be okay," Rick told her, wrapping his arms tight around her and pressing soft kisses to the top of her head. "We'll get through this together."

"A day doesn't go by that I don't think of her Castle. I can't get the image of her crime scene out of my head."

Rick didn't know what he could say to make her feel better so he did the only thing he could: he held her while she cried.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Eventually they both fell asleep on Castle's couch even though it was the middle of the afternoon. Neither stirred when Martha and Alexis came home from a day on the town and the two red-heads decided not to disturb them.

The couple finally woke hours later when Esposito called to tell them Mark White was in the precinct and wanted to talk to Detective Beckett.

Kate washed away the remains of the dried on tear streaks from her face and fixed her ruined makeup. After telling Martha and Alexis where they were going the two headed off to the precinct.

"Do you have any information that could help us solve your wife's murder?" Beckett asked when they were sitting across from Mr. White.

"I was going through some of my wife's things when I came across this," he told them holding out a burner phone, "it isn't her normal cell and I've never seen it before."

"This could be very useful," the detective told the disgruntled husband, "Thank you for coming in."

"Pull the SIM card," she told Ryan, handing him the phone after Mark left.

There was only one call in her call log: an outgoing call to the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"This is Detective Beckett NYPD," Kate said when she had the bureau on the line, "I need to know if an agent talked to a Mrs. Abby White. She was murdered and we think she may have revealed some information to an agent that could have gotten her killed."

"I'm Agent Saba," the female voice on the other end of the line answered. "I was the one who talked to Mrs. White. She called all in a panic, saying she had information on a cold case from a Mr. Smith. She warned us the case was bigger than any of us could imagine."

"Did she give you any more information?" Beckett asked.

"No," Agent Saba replied, "another agent came bursting through the doors and demanded to take the call."

"And who was that agent?"

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	28. Chapter 28

**Disclaimer: Although I do enjoy being evil with cliffhangers, I am not Andrew Marlowe.**

**A/N: Well... I had fun okay...**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Eight**

_"No I cannot get you out"_

Everything started twenty-one years ago when the dragon's brother, who had mob ties, came to him and told him about the kidnappings that were occurring in the mob families. He saw this as an opportunity.

Using his own ties—federal ties—the dragon had an insider by the name of Robert "Bob" Armen sent into the mob to see what information he could find out.

Unfortunately, Armen failed and was killed by one of the kidnappers. Fortunately, thanks to Joe Pulgatti who was there when Armen was shot, the dragon figured out who was behind it. He blackmailed and threatened Pulgatti into confessing to the murder and then he went to seek out the three dirty cops.

A deal was made: as long as the cops handed over the blackmail money, the dragon wouldn't turn them in for all they had done. They agreed to the deal and the money helped the dragon become more powerful than they ever could have imagined.

Then thirteen years ago Pulgatti finally decided to stand up for himself and clear his name. He contacted lawyer after lawyer but the only one who responded was Johanna Beckett.

Johanna requested the court file and traced the judge and lawyers back to the dragon who had hired them.

With Johanna on to him, the dragon couldn't let her live. He had met Dick Coonan when they were in the Special Forces together. Coonan ended up taking jobs as a hired killer and the dragon hired to kill not only Johanna Beckett but her associates Diane Cavanaugh and Jennifer Stewart and the courthouse clerk who had given Johanna the file, Scott Murray, as well.

After that, just to be safe, the dragon got the M.E. to cover up the connection between the murders. He was finding that blackmail was becoming a more and more useful tool all the time.

A fire had been set to the warehouse the bank files were stored in after the dragon had to bank him and the dirty cops had used to transfer the money in closed. He blackmailed Rod Halsted, an FDNY firefighter, into falsifying the report.

Now the dragon had run out of money again. He needed a plan. Finally he decided why not kill two birds with one stone and ruin Robert Weldon while he was at it.

Using blackmail yet again, the dragon got Weldon's assistant Jordan Norris to give him the account number for the mayor's charity. The dragon got a large sum of money out of it all the while making it look like Weldon was stealing from his own charity.

Norris was weak willed though and ha a conscience. He let it all slip one night to a woman named Laura Cambridge when he was on a sex phone line. The dragon couldn't have that so he had her killed by the same man who had put a bullet in Kate Beckett's chest.

Maddox may have succeeded in killing Laura, but he had failed when it came to killing Kate Beckett. That's why the dragon had his bishop.

~O.o.O.o.O~

A knock echoed on the dragon's office door causing him to look up from a bank statement.

"Sir," the bishop greeted.

"Do you have any information for me?" the dragon asked, drumming his fingers on his desk.

"I think we're going at this from the wrong angle," the bishop started, "Kate Beckett has too much of a support group to go at her alone. From my observations I have learned the best way to get to her is through Richard Castle. We get him, we've got her. He would do anything to protect her. Without him she will get more reckless with her actions which will make her a softer target."

_So Richard Castle fancies himself a knight_, the dragon thought. _Well, every good chess player knows a bishop is more powerful than a knight._

"Well done," the dragon told him, "you have redeemed yourself for failing to successfully bug Kate Beckett's apartment. I knew you wouldn't let me down again Moen."

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	29. Chapter 29

**Disclaimer: I doubt Marlowe would fear for his safety after this like I do...**

**A/N: This was my favourite chapter to write so far... Just saying.**

**~Rose**

* * *

**Chapter Twenty-Nine**

_"Everything is dark"_

Agents Ram and Moen showed up at Kate's apartment not long after Kate put it all together. Kate let them in with a polite nod before she got down to business.

"Agent Moen why didn't you tell us you talked to Abby White before she went missing?"

"I don't know what you're talking about," he replied with a scoff.

"She contacted the FBI about files she had and you demanded you take over the case. The files were on my mother and her associates. At least the ones we found were; apparently there were more that went missing. You took the files and abducted Abby White and tried to find out what she knew. You beat her and tortured her but when she wouldn't tell you anything you suffocated her and left her in a warehouse. When her sister came to New York to see if her sister was alright she tried to figure out what had happened and when she got too close you had her killed too to shut her up. Your fingerprint was found on Abby's body."

Nicole stood there in a state of shock—not believing what she was hearing. There was no way Aaron could have killed those two women. There was no way he could be involved in the Johanna Beckett murder and all it entailed.

Kate wasn't done yet though. Taking a step closer to the male agent, who was now over by her window on the other side of the room, she spat, "Agent Moen would you like to tell me how the hell you thought we wouldn't figure out you're working for the dragon?"

"I knew you'd catch on," Agent Moen smirked, "I knew you were a bright one Detective. I am amazed that it took you so long though."

Nicole gasped. She couldn't believe that Aaron, her Aaron, was dirty. She had known him for years. She had been in love with him. Hell, she was still in love with him. She never would have thought he could be capable of this.

"Who is behind my mother's murder?" Kate spat out at the traitorous agent.

With a laugh Moen raised his gun and pointed it at the writer. "I can't tell you that Detective."

Kate had to suck in a deep breath to calm herself down. This jackass wouldn't tell her who was behind her mother's death and now he was pointing a gun at the man she loved. Nicole pointed her gun at Moen and Kate knew it must have been killing her inside. Raising her own gun at the perp, Kate barked out, "Put down the gun Moen!"

"Creative line," he sneered. He turned his gun on the detective now and pulled the trigger. It took Castle less than a second to lunge towards Kate. Castle's body hit Kate's and they both hit the ground.

Nicole didn't even pause in shooting her partner before he shot at anyone else. It did kill her inside but this wasn't the Aaron she had known and loved.

The sheer force of Moen falling backwards towards the window shattered the glass on impact and the agent went flying over the edge. Crashing down into the taxi below, the dead agent made his grand exit. Nicole wouldn't cry; at least not now. She would grieve when she was alone.

Kate moved her hand to see it covered in blood. It wasn't hers—she would know if she was hit—which meant it had to be Castle's. Her heart sank. Flipping the now silent writer over, she gasped when she saw the blood seeping through his shirt. The bullet had lodged itself between his chest and shoulder and he was fading pretty fast. "Rick! No no no no no Rick! Stay with me! You'll be fine Rick! Come on!"

His eyes fluttered and drifted open slowly. "Kate," he breathed out, struggling to even say that.

"Shh shh shh, Castle, don't speak. Listen to me Rick; you're going to be fine. You're not going to die on me now Rick."

Nicole threw Kate a towel to hold against the GSW while she called for an ambulance.

He was losing so much blood and Kate could tell he was losing consciousness as well. As strong as the detective was, she couldn't help but start to feel tears well up in her eyes. "Come on Rick. I love you. Do you hear me? I love you! Rick..."

Castle tried to stay awake. He tried for her, for his daughter, for his mother. He couldn't do it though; his eyes closed and he gave in to the dark.

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**...don't hate me.**

**Review?**


	30. Chapter 30

**Chapter Thirty**

_"It's more than you could take"_

The ambulance was there in no time. The EMTs let Kate ride with Rick on the way to the hospital and she held his hand the whole way there.

Kate felt so useless. She wondered if Rick felt this way after she was shot. She couldn't believe that Rick had tried once again to take a bullet for her, and this time he had succeeded. If he didn't make it she would never forgive herself. _God_, he was fighting for his life and it was all her fault.

He was taken into surgery immediately. Kate had to attempt to take deep breaths as she sat in the waiting room so she wouldn't have a panic attack. She knew she had a couple of difficult calls to make and she would have to make them soon.

She decided to make the toughest one first. To get it over with and because his family really should be the first to know. Nicole Ram, who had met her in the waiting room, gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze as she got up to go outside and make the calls.

She dialed the number for the loft hoping that it would be Martha that picked up and not Alexis. Luck seemed to be on her side as the actress answered with a cheerful greeting.

"It's Kate," the detective responded hoping her emotions didn't come out in her voice.

She must have failed as the actress sounded worried when she asked, "Kate, what's wrong? Is it Richard?"

_Deep breath in, deep breath out_, Kate repeated in her head over and over again. She was used to calling people to tell them a loved one had been murdered but she had no clue what to say to the mother of the man she loved to tell her that he had just been shot.

"He-he's been shot," she choked out. With a million apologies, a very brief explanation of what had happened, and the name of the hospital she was at, Kate and Martha ended the call.

The boys were the next call on her list; she knew that one would be a bit easier.

"Esposito," the Hispanic detective answered.

"Espo, it's me. Castle was shot. Can you and Ryan get to Bellevue as soon as possible?"

"We'll be right there," he responded, trying not to sound as panicked as he was.

Lanie was her last call. Once again she had to keep her emotions in check while she gave the news that Castle had been shot. Lanie told her to stay strong until she got there.

Wiping away a stray tear, Kate headed back to the waiting room. Nicole was sitting there, head in her hands. Kate forgot that Nicole was going through hell too. She had just found out that her partner was guilty and then had to shoot and kill him. Kate took a seat next to the disgruntled agent and found herself shifting to the same "head-in-hands" position. The two didn't speak; there was an odd comfort in the silence. They both understood and acknowledged what the other was going through but didn't push anything.

The boys were the first ones there, Lanie right behind them. Kate and Nicole explained what happened and the three newcomers took their seats. It wasn't long after that, that Martha and a very emotional Alexis showed up.

Alexis was torn between screaming "Why the hell did you let my dad get shot? Why didn't you protect him?" at Kate and encompassing the broken looking detective in a hug. She knew the first option would solve nothing right now and she really did need a hug.

Kate wrapped her arms around the teenager and let the girl sob into her chest. "I'm so sorry Alexis. I never meant for him to get hurt. It's all my fault. I don't blame you if you hate me. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry," she murmured against the girl's hair

Although still angry that her father had gotten hurt and was currently fighting for his life, Alexis understood that Kate didn't mean for this to happen and would do anything in her power to protect the man she loved. She had just been too late this time.

Martha Rodgers heard the words that the detective had meant only for her grand-daughter. It took her back to memories from last year of sitting in the hospital waiting room, in this very situation, listening to her son talk about how it was all his fault.

Martha had been terrified then, and she was terrified now. She couldn't imagine ever having to be in this situation again, let alone with her son being the one who may or may not survive.

Despite what they said, it hadn't been Richard's fault that Kate got shot last year and it wasn't Kate's fault that Richard got shot today. Reaching over, Martha lightly set her hand on Kate's (who was now sitting) wrist. "It wasn't your fault," the actress said in a low voice so only Kate could hear.

"It's my mother's case," Kate argued. "I was also dumb enough to get Agent Moen to meet us at my apartment for the confrontation. I should have done it at the precinct where there was more backup."

"Richard still could have gotten shot Kate," the actress insisted. "There is no point in you dwelling on something that want you fault."

The emotions started to overwhelm Kate and she knew she needed to get some air. "I'm going to go get a coffee," she informed everyone. "Would anyone like anything?" The others politely declined Kate's offer and she hurried out of the waiting room.

She managed to get out of everyone's sight before she slumped against the wall and let sobs wrack her body. She didn't care that her mascara was probably streaked all down her cheeks. She didn't care that the nurses were all giving her sympathetic looks. All she cared about was that the man she loved could be dying right now and she can't do a goddamn thing about it.

Sob after sob caught in Kate's chest and tears managed to escape past her closed eye lids. She heard someone walking towards her and felt their presence as they knelt down next to her but she kept her eyes tightly squeezed shut.

"Katie," she finally heard a voice say.

"Dad," she responded in a watery tone as she opened her eyes to look at her father. "What are you doing here?"

"Lanie called me and told me what happened," he told his daughter. "Are you okay?"

She started to nod her head but they both knew it was a lie. She was far from okay. Jim seemed to understand that his daughter was broken right now but was trying to keep it together. Even still, a couple tears made their way down her cheeks. Jim wrapped his arms around his daughter—awkwardly since they were still on the floor—and squeezed tight. Neither one wanted to let go but they figured they should probably go back to the waiting room.

Kate decided to forgo the coffee; she was already jittery enough without the added caffeine. The two Becketts headed over to the waiting area and took their seats silently. If anyone noticed that Kate had come back without a coffee, they didn't say anything.

Everyone was so silent, like they didn't dare to speak or even breathe.

Alexis was blankly staring at her shaking hands on her lap while her grandmother gently stroked her hair. Neither red-head was crying as they were trying to stay stoic yet both looked like they could break at any second.

Ryan was almost doubled over with his head down and his hands cupped behind it. Jenny would be there soon: she knew how hard it would be on Ryan to be going through this again.

Esposito and Lanie sat next to each other, hands clasped together so tightly their knuckles were discoloured, not caring if anyone knew they were in a relationship again. Both were unbelievably worried about Kate. Even though she was tough, how much more could the poor girl take?

Jim and Kate sat across from Espo and Lanie, both in their own little world. Jim was just praying that everything would be fine. Kate tried to clear her mind of everything but positive thoughts that Rick would be alright. No matter how positive she tried to be though there was still a part of her that worried that he wouldn't be alright.

Sitting a couple seats away from everyone else was Agent Nicole Ram. Rationally she knew that it wasn't her fault but at the same time she was afraid that everyone would somehow think it was. The man she loved had shot an innocent man. He had been working for a man who was responsible for the deaths of many. On top of that, Nicole was the one that had to kill Moen. Yeah, it wasn't a good day for any of them.

Hours passed, people came and went. Jenny had showed up and was now holding Ryan's hand. Jim and Martha had gone to get food for everyone at one point but no one really felt like eating. Even Esposito, Lanie, Alexis, and Nicole had gone for nervous walks around the hospital. Not Kate. Kate refused to leave her seat until Rick got out of surgery and they knew whether he was alive or not.

"Family of Richard Castle?" a middle aged doctor asked as he entered the waiting room. Kate tried to tell if it was good or bad news from the doctor's face but his expression was neutral.

Martha confirmed that they were indeed his family and the doctor continued, "I'm Dr. Renning. Mr. Castle is out of surgery now. We had to repair more than one organ but he's alive. He's in critical condition right now and certainly is not out of the woods yet, but he is alive."

Kate took what seemed like her first breath in hours. _He survived surgery_, she kept repeating in her head. _He survived surgery. He survived surgery. _There were still so many things that could go wrong, he still might not make it, but he survived surgery.

All they could do now was wait.


	31. Chapter 31

**Disclaimer: Well I'm not unemployed anymore. Unfortunately I work at a laundromat instead of for ABC. Even more unfortunate, I have yet to see Dr. Horrible there yet.**

**A/N: Sorry for the wait.**

**To the real Ram and to Miss Ice Cream: I kept my promise.**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-One**

_"But you catch a glimpse of sunlight"_

Alexis was still having issues wrapping her head around everything that had happened as she sat in her father's hospital room with her grand-mother. He had yet to awaken since he got out of surgery but the doctors told them that was normal and that they shouldn't worry too much about it.

No eighteen-year-old should have to go through this. If the bullet had been over slightly and down just a bit it would have killed her father instantly. Then what would have happened? Would she turn into the next Kate Beckett, a girl who is driven to find justice after the murder of a parent? Alexis never wanted to go through what Kate had to; she didn't know if she could survive it. Kate did, but that's all she did was survive. What Kate did was surviving but it wasn't living. No, it was Richard Castle that finally made Kate live. He had to survive for the two of them and for his mother as well.

Martha was sitting on a chair on Richard's one side while she watched her grand-daughter who was sitting on the other. She couldn't help but wonder if this was how Jim felt last year as he sat by Kate's bedside. She felt so helpless. She felt like a failure of a parent.

She just wished her son would wake up.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Kate was now alone in the waiting room. Martha and Alexis were in with Castle; Ryan, Esposito, and Ram had gone back to the precinct; even her dad, Lanie, and Jenny had left after Castle got out of surgery.

The smell of the hospital was starting to nauseate her and the "too quiet" atmosphere was slowly driving her mad. The only noise was the clock ticking away on the wall, the hands moving far too slowly for her linking.

"Kate darling," Martha said, breaking Kate out of her trance, as her and Alexis re-entered the waiting room.

"How is he?" Kate asked immediately.

"He hasn't woken up yet," Martha informed her, "but he's fairly stable."

Kate closed her eyes and bowed her head down. _He's stable_, she told herself.

The actress set her hand on Kate's shoulder and said softly, "Go in and see him dear."

Kate just nodded gratefully and hurried off to Castle's room.

The ICU was even more solemn feeling than the waiting room was. The whirring and beeping of the machines that were keeping Castle alive seemed so ominous.

Then she saw him.

He looked so pale, so small and fragile, lying in his bed, hooked up to so many machines. She could barely see his face past the mask and breathing tube.

She just wanted him to open his eyes. If he opened his eyes she might be able to believe everything was going to be okay.

She was never leaving him alone again. She felt terrible for how she had shut him out for three months after she was shot. She now understood.

Memories were making their way past her subconscious and into her memory as she saw how broken Rick looked. She remembered the bullet getting embedded into her chest. She remembered Castle's pained, heartbroken look as he begged her to stay with him. She remembered the words that made her fight.

She felt like she was an inch away from breaking down but she wouldn't do it here—she couldn't do it now.

She ran a finger across the laugh lines on the corner of his right eye, placed a gentle kiss on his forehead, and left his room.

"He didn't wake up," she informed the two red-heads as they looked at her expectantly.

Martha sighed before truly looking at the detective and noticing how utterly drained she was. "Kate, you really should go home and get some sleep. You haven't left since Richard was brought in yesterday. When was the last time you actually slept?"

"I'm fine Martha," she lied. It really had been a couple of days since she slept and she was exhausted but she didn't want to leave.

"Go," Martha urged softly, "sleep. I'll call you if anything happens."

Kate knew she couldn't argue anymore. "Thank you," she whispered. She gave them both hugs and went outside to hail a cab.

~O.o.O.o.O~

There had still been some blood in her apartment that CSU didn't manage to clean up. She angrily scrubbed at it with bleach, letting all her emotions pour into her cleaning.

She was that scary calm state by the time she finished and thought she might be okay.

That feeling didn't last long though. As soon as she got into her shower she broke down.

The pounding stream of water helped to drown out her tears and the sound of her sobs were muffled by it.

God she felt so weak for crying like this, especially since it was the second time she had broken down. Slumped down against the shower fall she just couldn't stop crying.

~O.o.O.o.O~

There was a message on her phone when she got out of the shower. Two simple words from Martha were like catching a glimpse of sunlight. Two words that made her heart leap out of her chest, as cliché as that was.

_He's awake._

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	32. Chapter 32

**Disclaimer: Marlowe doesn't have over a thousand dollars worth of text books to buy by next week.**

**A/N: You can say it: I'm the worst updater ever. Sorry it's taken me so long. Between work and life I just don't have time.**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-Two**

_"Shining"_

Kate's mind was on autopilot as she dressed and took a cab back to the hospital. She didn't even pay the slightest bit of attention when she put her clothes on. She couldn't tell you what he was wearing without looking down and she didn't care. All she cared about was getting to Rick.

~O.o.O.o.O~

He had fallen back asleep by the time that she got there. Disappointment flooded over her; she just wanted to see his eyes again.

Alexis looked like she was about to fall over from exhaustion and Martha didn't look much better. Kate was exhausted as well but she didn't want to leave the hospital now that Rick had woken up once.

"Alexis, Martha," Kate started, voice full of compassion, "you two really should go home and get some rest. You'll be no use to Castle when he wakes up if you're burnt out."

"I want to stay here with Dad," Alexis started to argue before her words were cut off by a yawn. Maybe Kate was right.

Martha was also thinking that Kate might be right. Both her and Alexis were exhausted which would do Richard no good whatsoever.

Kate also looked like she was burning out too. Martha couldn't help but wonder when the last time that Kate slept or ate was. "Kate you really need to go home too," the actress told the stubborn detective.

Sighing, Kate knew that she probably should go but she wanted to—_needed_ to—be there in case Rick woke up

"I'll go in a bit," she compromised.

"Promise?" Alexis asked, concerned that Kate was going to run herself down.

"I promise," Kate told her only half heartedly. It seemed to be good enough for the two red-heads. Giving Kate hugs, Alexis and Martha left.

She brought the chair in Rick's room right up to his bedside and laced her fingers with his, careful not to disturb the IV.

He no longer had the breathing tube and mask; it had been replaced by a simple nose cannula. She remembered when she first woke up after she was shot she had panicked at the breathing tube. She wondered if Castle had done the same thing when he woke up.

She still couldn't get over how weak he looked. Had she looked that fragile? She didn't want to leave his side. Had he felt this way? No wonder Castle had been mad after she hadn't talked to him for three months. It killed her inside to see him like this. She wished he didn't have to experience the same pain that she had gone through.

She felt his hand twitch in hers. He eyes darted up to his which were fluttering open. She took in a deep breath. He was awake again.

"Kate," he managed to get out in a weak raspy voice.

"Rick." He couldn't help but notice that her whole face lit up with relief. Even her sad eyes were shining with it. "It's going to be okay; I'm here."

"Mother? Alexis?" he asked, coughing a little.

"They went home. I finally managed to convince them to go get some sleep."

"Good," he told her. "What about you?"

"I'm fine," she told him.

He knew she wasn't telling him the truth but she was too stubborn to admit she needed sleep. "You need to sleep," he told her.

His eyes found hers and he saw the emotion and unshed tears in them. "I'm not leaving you Rick," she whispered, voice thick with emotion, "I almost lost you." Kate brought their joint hands up to his cheek. "I almost lost you," she repeated.

He knew the feeling so he couldn't argue with her. He really didn't want her to go anyways; her presence made him feel less weak.

"At least try to sleep," he told her before falling back asleep himself.

"I love you," she said softly to the now sleeping man.

She knew this wouldn't be easy; there was a long road to recovery ahead.

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	33. Chapter 33

**Disclaimer: I have class in the morning...**

**A/N: I can't believe I'm over 200 reviews now! You guys are amazing!**

* * *

**Chapter Thirty-Three**

_"Shining down on your face"_

Three months. It had been three months since Kate Beckett had stepped a foot in the precinct. She refused to go back to work until Castle had healed; it was finally time.

It felt odd to be back in her apartment after spending the past few months basically living with Rick. Now that he was back in commission Kate felt it was time to go back to her own apartment. It wasn't necessarily what she wanted but it was what she needed. It was still too soon to officially move in.

So here she was, in her too empty bedroom, getting dressed for her first day back at work.

Everything was put in perspective as she got to see what it must have been like when she got shot through everyone else's eyes. She was reminded yet again of why she wanted no one else to see her like that; so weak, so unable to do anything.

It certainly hadn't been an easy three months. Alexis and Martha had both been so overprotective and over bearing; Kate tried not to be. She knew exactly how Rick felt and she knew that coddling was the last thing he needed.

Day after day passed and they started to notice and celebrate the little things. Being able to sit up without breathing heavily afterwards, being able to cut down on the pain meds, being able to take short walks—these things meant so much to Rick and in turn, Kate. Everything was a victory.

Week after week passed as well with far more noticeable changes: being able to walk further and further distances, being able to give Alexis or Kate hugs without cringing in pain, and not having to depend on others to do everything for him.

As Castle started improving more and more Alexis finally decided that she could move out of the loft and into her dorm. The writer couldn't help but be sad that his little girl was growing up and moving out but at the same time he was glad that she wouldn't be hovering over him "mother henning" any more.

Castle had allowed Kate to help him for those months since he had been on her side of this before. He wished she had allowed him to help her after she had been shot but at the same time he completely understood why she didn't.

Luckily Gates had allowed Kate to take the time off work. In fact, the captain had insisted that Kate take time off. Maybe Iron Gates wasn't quite as cold as she seemed.

Now it was time for Kate to finally go back to work and get some normality back in her life. Castle was coming back to the precinct as well even though Kate was hesitant about it. They had fought for weeks on whether or not Rick was going to continue to shadow Kate or not. Kate thought it was too dangerous but Castle refused to back down.

She was to meet him outside of the precinct this morning and she had asked him not to bring coffee for once—it was about time she started bringing him the hundred coffees she owed him.

The early morning sun shining down on Kate's face was the first thing Rick noticed when he got to the station.

"Your morning coffee," Kate said with a smile on her face as she handed Castle one of the cups. "I thought I would put a smile on your face like you've been doing to me for years."

"I love you, you know?" he replied, stealing a kiss before grabbing her free hand in his.

"I know. I love you too. Are you sure you're ready to go back to the precinct?" Kate asked, concern in both her voice and her eyes.

Rick knew that Kate was hesitant about letting him shadow her again because she was afraid he was going to get hurt again. He always knew it was a risk but a job like this was too important to quit even if he wasn't officially a cop.

"I'm ready," he told her confidently. He squeezed her hand reassuringly before letting go of it. As they both let their now free arms fall to their sides, they walked into the precinct together.

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	34. Chapter 34

**Disclaimer: How can I own Castle when I don't even have any money due to ridiculously expensive textbooks.**

**A/N: Woo I actually managed to quit my sociology homework long enough to give you guys a new chapter! **

**To address a question I have been asked a few times now, this story is not over yet. It will have forty-two chapters.**

**Enjoy!**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-Four**

_"Your face"_

Kate felt an odd sense of déjà vu as everyone greeted them with clapping as they entered the bullpen. Castle looked taken aback; he hadn't been there when Kate came back to applause after she was shot.

They made their way over to Kate's desk where both the boys and Agent Ram were waiting for them. By now everyone knew that Ram was with the FBI and her partner Agent Moen had been dirty. Ram was assigned to stay at the Twelfth and help on this case.

Gates had given them permission to continue working on the case along side of their normal cases.

The boys sent Beckett updates on possible leads every time something came up but after three months they were still nowhere.

They were all frustrated with the lack of leads but they were all trying not to fall down the rabbit hole again. They had to keep clear heads because if they became too obsessed with this case again somebody really was going to get killed and that was a risk they didn't want to take.

None of them really should have been on the case; it was far too personal for them all. Even Agent Ram, who appeared to just be an outsider, was far too connected because of Agent Moen's involvement.

Even with every precaution they were taking and how hard they were trying to not get as sucked into it as they had been in the past; they all knew that this case could quite likely destroy them. Look at all that had happened because of it: Montgomery was dead, Kate had been shot, and all the relationships between them had almost been destroyed.

So much to lose, so much to gain, too much danger to handle.

"Have you found anything?" Kate asked as she took her seat and Nicole moved away from Castle's chair so he could sit too.

"Nothing," Ryan admitted. "We have been through bank statements and phone records for everyone involved in the case more times than we can count. We can't find a damn thing. It feels like we're no further in this case than we were this time last year!"

Kate just sighed in frustration. Both Esposito and Ram looked overtired and frustrated as well.

How long would it take Kate to slip back into the rabbit hole this time?

~O.o.O.o.O~

Hours passed; nothing was found. The level of frustration had risen greatly and Kate knew it was time to get Rick out of there and take a break.

"I think it's time for a coffee break," Kate stated. She got up and with a nod of agreement so did Castle.

They made their way to the break room for a much needed cup of coffee. Kate could see this was really getting to Castle. On his face was a look of pained frustration. He looked exhausted too.

"Are you okay Rick?" the concerned detective questioned.

Castle sighed. Was he okay? It would be lying to say this wasn't difficult. It would be lying to say this case wasn't already taking a toll on him. He sighed again. "I'm fine Kate," he lied.

"Just you saying the word fine tells me you aren't fine Castle," Kate noted. "You're a writer; you should know in subtext saying you're 'fine' means you're just the opposite."

Damn her and her grasp on subtext! Although wasn't subtext kind of their thing? They had attempted to get by on subtext for four years. Subtext that almost wasn't enough to save them after secrets and lies almost destroyed them. _No more secrets. No more lies._

"You're right Kate. I'm not okay."

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	35. Chapter 35

**Disclaimer: I would be so fired by now...**

**A/N: First off, I am so sorry my updates have been so slow. Unlike my grade twelve year at high school, college is time consuming. I know the season premiere has already aired but if you guys are still interested (and even if you aren't) I'm still planning on finishing this. Secondly, *spoiler if you haven't seen "After the Storm" yet* even though we now know who the dragon is I will still be continuing this on as I originally planned it so if my dragon (and the story) isn't cannon that is why. Hopefully you all stick around.**

**~Rose**

**(P.s. Sorry again for the wait. I've had this chapter written for a while but decided to stop working for me for about a week.)**

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**Chapter Thirty-Five**

_"On your face"_

_"You're right Kate. I'm not okay."_

The words still rung in Kate's ears. She knew he was far from okay and she was glad that he admitted it. It was too soon for him to be on this case again; she had learned that one from experience. He had gone back home and Kate promised she would stay with him tonight when she got off work.

She would give him that.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Moen was dead. The agent had failed to kill either Kate Beckett or Richard Castle and now he was dead. This posed a problem for the dragon. Moen was supposed to be his secret weapon. What was he supposed to do now? He hated to admit it but he was running out of options here.

Then again, he was the almighty and powerful dragon and he wouldn't let a little thing like the death of one of the pieces in his deadly game of chess get in his way of power.

The dragon looked at his three cell-phones in front of him—a Blackberry which was his business line, an iPhone for personal use, and an Android for other _business_ calls—and picked up the droid.

"Maddox!" he barked into the phone after he input the number and let it ring. Cole Maddox responded with a sarcastic cheery greeting and the dragon continued. "You can't let me down this time Maddox. This is your last chance. Moen is dead so it's up to you to end Kate Beckett and Richard Castle once and for all."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Weeks passed and Castle had stayed away from the precinct. Kate was shocked that Castle had agreed it wasn't time yet. Even if Castle was staying away from the precinct, Kate still had work to do.

Kate, Ram, the boys, and even Gates were still working on the Johanna Beckett case with no luck.

Esposito had disappeared somewhere but Kate had no idea where he had gone and Ryan was off talking to Rod Halsted to see if he could get any information off him that Beckett wasn't able to acquire a year previous. With the boys gone and Castle not at the precinct Kate and Nicole were left to try to piece things together. They were sitting at Beckett's desk practically buried in paperwork. Every single file even remotely connected to the case was spread out in front of them. Nicole was looking for connections to see who could be connected to Raglan, Montgomery, McAllister, Halsted, Maddox, Lockwood, and Coonan. Meanwhile Kate was looking further into Pulgatti and what her mom and her associates did for him. Neither woman was having much luck.

"I'm not finding anything Beckett," Agent Ram finally said in exasperation. They had been looking at the files for hours upon hours and like with everything else they were still nowhere.

"Well keep looking," Beckett snapped back, much harsher than she meant to, "there has to be something somewhere."

"We've been searching non-stop Beckett. We have looked over everything and every possibility. There is no visible connection."

"What do you want me to do? Just give up? I can't do that Ram."

"You need to go home Beckett," Nicole said becoming more stern. Beckett was going to run herself down. Nicole had heard the stories about how Kate had becoming so obsessed with the case that she lost sight of everything else. The woman had been shot over this case and yet she still refused to give up. Nicole understood, she did, after all her sister had been killed. Nicole had been down the path of obsession and had almost lost everything because of it; she didn't want Kate to make the same mistakes that she did.

"I can't Nicole," Kate told her. The use of her first name surprised Ram. "I have a job to do." As soon as the words were out of Kate's mouth she regretted them. Flashbacks of Lee Travis and the eerie way he said "I have a job to do" flooded her memories. She shook it off.

"Beckett, Kate, you can't keep doing this. You know you're going to end up getting yourself killed right? I'm sure I'm not the first one to point this out to you. You were shot; so many people involved with this case have been hurt or killed." She paused for a couple seconds before quietly adding, "Even Castle was shot." _By Aaron_, she added silently.

"You think I don't know that? You think I don't have nightmares where Castle died that day? It still haunts me. He could get killed at any time because of this case and it would be all my fault. You think I could live with that?"

"I know you couldn't," Nicole sympathized, voice full of pain and regret. "If you know how high the stakes are why do you keep going?" She really didn't need to ask. She knew why; she had been there. "You have way too much personal connection to this Kate."

Kate immediately closed up and went on the defence. Nicole was striking way too close to home. "And you don't?"

Now Kate was the one striking too close to home. She tried to hide it but all her pain and all the emotion she felt over Aaron shone through Nicole's eyes. She tried to bottle it all up and compose herself before the detective saw right through her. "Of course I have some. Agent Moen was my partner."

Kate saw the same denial in the agent sitting next to her that everyone else saw in her for four years. "You were in love with him weren't you?"

Nicole's silence was answer enough. Kate thought so. "It was written all over your face," the detective told the agent.

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	36. Chapter 36

**Disclaimer: Marlowe doesn't have mid-terms he should be studying for...**

**A/N: For Mindy, because I promised. (If I flunk out of college because I was writing instead of studying I'm moving to the other side of the country and coming to live with you Mindy.)**

**Enjoy!**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-Six**

_"Oh you're in my veins and I cannot get you out"_

"Javi," the solemn-faced soldier greeted.

"Arthur," the Hispanic detective replied with a nod of salutation. Arthur had called Esposito early this morning asking if they could meet to discuss Cole Maddox. Since they were at a standstill with the case Javi desperately hoped Arthur had some information that could help them. "What do you have for me?"

"It's like the guy doesn't exist. I can't find out anything about him."

Javi sighed, afraid this would happen. Nothing in this case ever came easy. Well nothing except imminent danger.

"Sorry, I wish I could have been more help," Arthur said sympathetically to which Esposito quickly refuted saying it was fine and that no one was getting anywhere with the case. "If you want to catch this guy Javi you're going to have to pray for a miracle."

~O.o.O.o.O~

After her spat with Agent Ram, Kate decided to go back to the loft. Maybe Nicole was right; this case was way too personal for them all. It was time for a break before Kate did something completely irrational that she would regret later.

The loft was empty except for Rick who had fallen asleep at his computer. Neither Rick nor Kate had been getting much sleep lately due to the stress of what was going on and for _other reasons_ but Kate hadn't realized it had gotten this bad.

"Rick," she said softly, running her hand through his hair gently so she didn't startle him.

"Kate?" he mumbled, still half asleep.

"Hey," she said, smiling at how adorable he was when he wasn't quite awake yet and was in that dazed, confused state. Whoa, _adorable_? Kate internally chastised herself for being so sappy.

"Hey," he repeated back, rubbing his eyes and slowly becoming more alert. "Not that I'm complaining, but what are you doing here so early? Shouldn't you be at work?" he asked, looking over to the clock above his desk.

"Nicole convinced me it's time to take a break."

"Remind me to thank Agent Ram later," he mused pulling Kate down to his level and capturing his lips with his.

She kissed him back eagerly before crawling into his lap and wrapping her arms around him. She buried her face into the crook of his neck and allowed herself to breathe him in. "I love you," she sighed in contentment. Those words had haunted her for so long and now she could say them so easily. It was such a relief to be able to say what she felt.

"I love you too Kate. So much. Rick also loved being able to say what he loved freely. He was always so afraid before that it would be pushing her to say he loved her and that she would run.

Kate slid off of his lap and grabbing his hand in hers, led him into the bedroom.

"Come on, let's have a nap," she breathed against his skin as she wrapped her arms around him again. She was exhausted and could see that he was too.

Wordlessly he nodded and they both crawled into the bed, not even bothering to take their clothes off.

As Kate nuzzled into him she couldn't help but think about how surreal this still was. It had taken them four years but they were finally together. Even though they had been together for a few months now the relationship still felt brand new but at the same time it felt like they had been doing this for years.

Kate smiled. She never imagined she would ever be with someone who was so embedded in her very being. So far embedded in her system—in her veins.

~O.o.O.o.O~

She had been suspicious for a while. She had been employed by this powerful man for years but it had only been in the last two years or so that she had figured out maybe he wasn't such a good man after all.

After sneaking around, poking, and prodding for the past six months she had finally put together what her boss was up to.

Between conversations she overheard and bank statements she had found the assistant, Alycce, was able to figure out that her boss had killed a lawyer named Johanna Beckett and was now after her daughter Detective Kate Beckett and the mystery novelist Richard Castle.

From there it wasn't difficult to figure out that her employer was responsible for the murder of her father, a former document clerk for the courthouse, Scott Murray.

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	37. Chapter 37

******Disclaimer: If I was Marlowe we would have had Castle yesterday, election be damned.**

**A/N: I am so sorry I've been so busy. I have a couple chapters written right now so hopefully you won't have to wait too long. I also have started a new fic (which I won't post until this one is done which means I'll have at least a few chapters written so you guys won't have to do this ridiculous waiting). Just as a little sneak peak I'll tell you that it's an AU and another song fic (this is me after all). As for what song you ask... Well I'll give you a hint and whoever gets it (other than you Mindy) will receive endless love and virtual cookies. The hint has two meanings (this may be easier if you know my stories); bonus marks if you understand them both. Here's the hint: let's go back to the start. **

**Well I'll shut up now and let you read. Just keep in mind that in this story season five hasn't happened.**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-Seven**

"_Oh, you're all I taste at night inside of my mouth"_

It had been too long since the boys had a break as well so when Castle invited the all out for drinks at the Old Haunt, they jumped at the opportunity.

Ryan and Jenny showed up first. Even Castle was nowhere to be seen. It wasn't long before Esposito and Lanie showed up as well.

Sitting at their regular table, the four waited for the writer and his muse to grace them with their presence.

"Hi," Agent Ram said quietly when she arrived. She had been surprised when Kate called her and not only apologized but also invited her out for drinks with the gang.

"Hey Ram," Ryan greeted, "pull up a chair."

"Anyone else coming?" the out-of-place agent asked as she took a seat.

"Castle invited Gates but she turned him down of course," Espo said with a small smirk.

Nicole let out a chuckle. From what she had seen, Captain Gates wasn't fond of Richard castle which made him try even harder to get her to like him. "Speaking of Castle, where do you think him and Beckett are?"

The other four grinned and as the same time both Ryan and Esposito chorused, "In Castle's office."

~O.o.O.o.O~

In the office of a certain mystery writer, he and a certain detective were a little _distracted_.

"Don't you think we should get up there before they figure out where we are and what we're doing?" Kate asked between kisses.

Rick groaned at the loss of contact between their lips and captured hers with his again. Tangling his hands in her hair he pulled her closer. He tilted her head slightly so he could get a better angle of access. His tongue plunged into her mouth and she couldn't hold back that little moan that drove Rick crazy.

"Let them figure it out," Rick replied, breathing heavily, "I'm sure they probably have by now anyways."

"Castle," she groaned, "We really need to stop sneaking around and making out like a couple of horny teenagers."

"What if I'm okay with acting like horny teenagers?"

"Grow up Rick," she mock scolded even though she was laughing.

Beckett's phone went off, causing Rick to jump back as if whoever was calling Kate could see them.

"Beckett," she said into the phone while giving Rick a look.

"It's Espo. Can you two stop making out for five minutes and come upstairs? There's been a body drop and I think you'll both want to be here for this."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Uniforms were there when Castle, Beckett, Ryan, Esposito, Ram, and Lanie got to Castle's building.

"Detective," one of the officers greeted as Beckett walked up to him.

"What happened here?" the female detective asked the young officer.

"Witness heard gunshots and called it in. When we got here the doorman was lying dead in a pool of his own blood but there was no shooter to be seen."

"It's the dragon," Castle stated, "he sent someone here to get at us."

Beckett turned to the boys and said, "Ryan, you and Castle stay here and see if you can get any more information. Espo and Ram, you come with me and we'll scour the inside of the building for the shooter."

Castle looked like he was going to protest but he kept his mouth shut, knowing that was probably the best thing to do in this situation.

Beckett, Espo, and Ram did an al clear around the building and headed for the loft where they weren't sure what they were going to find.

There were definitely signs of break and entering when they reached Castle's front door.

Espo entered first, followed by the other two; all three with their guns ready.

Ram was checking around a corner when she got grabbed from behind. With one swift movement, her assailant knocked her out cold.

Both Espo and Beckett heard the commotion and hurried towards the noise.

Nicole was crumpled on the floor while Cole Maddox stood over her—his gun pointed towards Beckett and Esposito.

"Two against one Maddox," Kate taunted, "you can't win."

"Don't you ever die?" he retorted.

"No not really. Maybe when I'm old and die warm and peacefully in my bed."

"Really Beckett, you're going to reference Titanic right now?" Esposito teased.

"How do you even know that?" Beckett asked, raising an eyebrow but never taking her eyes or gun off Maddox.

"Can I just kill you already or should I wait until you two are done your girly moment?" Maddox retorted.

"In your dreams Maddox," Espo said smoothly.

Cole reached for the trigger on his gun but Kate was faster. Her bullet hit him straight in the chest. _Poetic justice_, Kate couldn't help but think.

"You okay?" Espo asked her as he moved towards Ram to make she was okay too. Her breathing was steady and she appeared to be coming to.

"Yeah," Kate told him. Then breaking the tension she added, "So how did you know what I said was a Titanic reference?

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	38. Chapter 38

**Disclaimer: See you get a second chapter within the same day from me unlike the actual show which we have to wait far too long for.**

**A/N: Still excepting guesses for the song I'm basing my next story on.**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-Eight**

_"Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found"_

Alycce knew she had to expose her boss before he killed anyone else. She couldn't let on that she knew what he had done or she would end up dead herself. This was not a matter to fool around with; she needed to go straight to the police.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Captain Gates heard a knock on her office door and figured it must be Beckett, Ryan, or Esposito updating her on the death of Mr. Castle's doorman and Maddox being in his apartment.

"Come in," she called out and a uniform entered.

"Captain." He greeted, "there's a woman named Alycce Murray here to see you. She says it's urgent."

Gates had no clue who the woman was but she wasn't about to turn her away. "Bring her in."

"Captain," a shy-looking, young woman said with a head nod as she entered.

"Have a seat," Gates replied, surprisingly warmly for her. "You have something urgent to tell me?"

"I have information on multiple homicides, two of which being my father Scott Murray and the mother of one of your detectives, Johanna Beckett."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Nicole had been checked out and deemed okay but Lanie insisted she stay at her place for the night anyways. Javi was over at the Ryans' for dinner which just left Castle and Beckett.

Not wanting to stay in Castle's loft right now, the two of them were currently curled up on Beckett's couch watching a movie.

Castle hadn't looked impressed when Kate picked _You've Got Mail_ but he was clearly enjoying himself and Kate even caught him crying at one point.

When the movie was almost finished (two bags of M&Ms and a bowl and a half of popcorn later) Kate lifted her head from where it was nuzzled in Castle's chest and turned it to look at him."I love you," she said softly.

Castle smiled. He loved hearing her say it out of the blue like that. No fights, no near death experiences, just _because. _

"I love you too Kate." He wanted to say so much more, tell her exactly what she meant to him, but no words would come. _A writer with no words._ It was ironic that a woman who gave him so much inspiration to write stories could also leave him so speechless.

Choosing instead to show her how he felt, he cupped her chin and tilted her head up to capture her lips in a kiss.

Kate ran her hands through his hair as Rick's ran up and down her back.

The kiss had just barely gotten heated when they were interrupted by the shrill noise of Beckett's phone.

"Beckett," she answered with a scowl for being disrupted.

"Detective, I think you and Castle better come into the precinct..." Gate's voice trailed off.

Castle couldn't tell what was being said on the other end but as Kate listened her face got more and more solemn and determined.

"Castle," she whispered, voice full of emotion, as she hung up.

He didn't take it as a good sign.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"Who is it?" Kate demanded as she entered Gate's office. "Who had my mom killed?"

"Kate, calm down," Castle whispered quietly enough that only she could hear.

He was right. She sucked in a breath and composed herself before sitting down across from Gates.

Castle sat down in the single seat next t her and turned to the captain. "So who is he? Who is the dragon?"

"Senator James Kurt," the captain replied.

Kate was at a loss for words so Castle pitched in, "What are we going to do about it Sir?"

"it's already done; I went to the media."

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	39. Chapter 39

**Disclaimer: Marlowe doesn't blow off math homework to write.**

**A/N: I'm still excepting (and will be until the end of chapter forty-one) guess for the song I'm using in my next fic. Okay so maybe I'm just having fun hearing your guesses... I'll be posting the answer at the end of the last chapter of this story (chapter forty-two). Remember the hint had two meanings and was: let's go back to the start.**

**Anyways, on to this chapter. I must say, it's my favourite chapter.**

**Enjoy,**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Thirty-Nine**

_"Oh, you're in my veins, and I cannot get you out"_

Castle was expecting Kate to break down once they got back to her place but once again Kate proved him wrong with her strength. Kate Beckett wasn't going to shed a tear over this asshole—not now. She wouldn't let him win again. Gates had exposed who he was and what he had done; now all they could do was wait.

Beckett insisted Castle stay with her for the night instead of going back to the loft and Castle didn't argue. Wrapping his arms around Kate and holding her to him all night seemed like a much better idea than going back to his loft alone.

She curled herself tighter into him, just happy to have him so close. She was trying to be strong through this but that didn't mean she didn't need him. They needed each other. Maddox had been in his apartment; she could've lost him. Even the thought terrified her. The fact that he was such a large part in her life that she couldn't bear to lose him terrified her too.

~O.o.O.o.O~

Morning came too soon for both Castle and Beckett's liking. Neither one wanted to get out of the warm, soft bed. Castle had to face his mother and daughter today and Beckett had to face her father and both were dreading it. For Castle this meant admitting to Martha and Alexis that this was all getting worse with Kate's mother's case and they were probably in more danger than ever. For Kate this was going to be an even more emotional visit as it was time to tell her father that after fourteen years they finally knew who was behind Johanna's murder. Kate was afraid he would have found out already from the news but when she called him to set up the meeting it didn't seem like he knew anything.

"Morning," Kate said as she pressed a kiss to Castle's cheek. Her half grinned at her; as much as they were dreading the events of today, he loved waking up next to her.

"Morning," he replied while hugging her body to his and gently kissing the top of her head.

She loved how innocent he looked in the morning with his mussed hair and sleepy smile. There was something calming about it. It could make her forget about all the bad in the world, if only for a moment.

Kate just sighed, "As much as I would love to stay in bed all day with you, we really should get up. You have to meet your mom and Alexis at eleven and I have to meet my dad at quarter after."

"What time is it now?" Rick asked, not quite awake yet.

"Almost ten," she admitted.

"We slept that long!"

"I guess we needed it," she shrugged, amazed she had been able to sleep at all, "I don't know if you've noticed but we've been under a little stress lately."

"You're right but I still can't believe we slept that long," Castle mused incredulously.

"I can't believe Gates gave me the day off."

Castle laughed, "Kate she didn't give you the day off, she demanded it. I believe he exact words were, 'Detective Beckett, if I see you or your shadow in here tomorrow I will be forced to suspend you so you can get some rest'."

Kate gave him a sheepish grin. "I think she's learned I'm a bit of a workaholic. She couldn't actually suspend me for that though..."

"She was right though; you did need some rest."

"Right now what we need is to get out of bed and shower," she said kicking the blankets off of them.

"Will you at least shower with me?" he pouted.

"I think I can manage that," she teased as she pushed Rick out of the bed.

"Hey!" he yelped. Kate just smiled and hopped out of her bed, making her way to the bathroom. Rick followed after her, catching up and pinning her to the bathroom wall. His lips covered hers briefly but he broke away too soon for both of their liking. "Shower," he reminded.

"Right." Kate peeled off the t-shirt of Rick's she had snagged to sleep in a while ago and Rick shed off his boxers.

Kate started the water and dragged Rick in with her. There would be no hot shower sex this morning; it wasn't what either of them needed right now. Instead, Rick rubbed Kate's shoulders and started working the knots out of her neck. When he was satisfied that she was relaxed he reached for her cherry-scented shampoo and started massaging it into her scalp. Rinsing carefully, he repeated with her conditioner. After Rick tilted her head back to rinse the conditioner from her hair, Kate grabbed the bar of Castle's soap that he kept in her shower and started rubbing Castle's body down with it. There was something sensual about the way her hands trailed down his body as she covered him with soap suds. When she was done he grabbed the very same bar of soap from her and started tracing her body with it as well. It was like a slow dance between the two of them as they explored each other's bodies with the soap—unsaid words of comfort hanging in the air between them.

The hot water pounding down on the two of them was heavenly but reality was waiting for them so they needed to rinse off and get out.

"I love you," he whispered against her neck as he reached past her to grab their towels.

"I love you too," she replied, smile still on her face, "now go dry off."

"I'd rather you did that for me."

~O.o.O.o.O~

They had probably taken too long drying each other off, pressing kisses down each other's bodies as they went along. Castle had just left, choosing to take a cab to meet Martha and Alexis for brunch. He was probably going to be late but then again so was she.

Kate grabbed her keys off the kitchen counter and headed down to the parking garage. Unlocking her door, she could've sworn she heard footsteps behind her but no one was there. In her rush out the door she hadn't grabbed her gun. But then again, she was only going to visit her father so she didn't think she'd need it.

She heard the footsteps again, closer and closer. She turned around, knowing she wasn't imagining it this time. She only saw a glimpse of three men before a pillowcase was shoved over her head and a hand went over her mouth to stop her from screaming.

Kicking and struggling to get away she knew she hit one of the men as she heard him cry out in pain. One of the other men grabbed her arms behind her back and something—a needle she presumed—was shoved into her neck.

All went black as she crumpled into one of the men's arms.

~O.o.O.o.O~

"And you're sure that you and Kate will be all right Darling?" Martha asked Rick after they had eaten and he had told them everything.

Since Alexis didn't have classes until later that day she had joined them and suggested a quaint little diner she had loved as a kid. "It seems like you two could be in even more danger now," she added.

"We'll be fine," he attempted to reassure the two red-headed women.

Alexis looked like she was about to argue but Castle's phone went off, interrupting whatever she was about to say.

"Castle," she said, picking up without looking at the caller ID.

"Rick it's Jim," the elder Beckett said, a hint of panic in his voice, "Katie never showed up at the restaurant. She isn't at home either and her cell is going straight to voicemail."

Panic set in as Rick realized something was very, _very_ wrong.

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	40. Chapter 40

**Disclaimer: It was snowing the other day... Clearly I'm not Andrew Marlowe who lives in L.A.**

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**Chapter Forty**

_"No I cannot get you out"_

The next hour was a rush of officers and detectives scouring Kate's place. They found Kate's keys still in the door of her Crown Vic. Ryan checked the security cameras from the garage and saw three men in stereotypical black ski masks grab and drug the female detective. The one carried her to what Ryan presumed was their vehicle but it must have been away from the parking garage since Ryan couldn't see it on the camera.

Rick was scarily calm, knowing that panicking and freaking out wouldn't help to find Kate any faster.

Espo took the lead in trying to figure out who had taken her. Ryan and Ram were right with him, willing to do whatever it took. They knew that Kurt had to have something to do with this but he was nowhere to be found as well.

It was Gates that suggested that they talk to the one person who might be able to give them information: Kurt's assistant, Alycce.

"Do you have any idea where they could be?" Ryan asked the young woman.

"I don't know," she almost cried, "probably out of the city."

"Are you sure?" Esposito asked, sounding angrier than he meant to. Pressure was high and everyone was a little edgy.

"Um... uh...," she said thinking, "Well he does have a summer house just outside the city. I've been there once but the basement with the trap door kind of creeped me out."

Ryan jumped out of his seat at this information. "Do you think you could give us directions Alycce?"

"Yeah, I think I remember."

~O.o.O.o.O~

The world was still spinning slightly when Detective Beckett woke up. She was tied to a chair, gagged, and clearly in a basement. _How cliché_, she thought to herself, _bad guys today. _The dragon definitely lost points in creativity.

"Oh good, you're awake," a voice coming from behind her said. She knew that voice from television.

James Kurt made his way around the chair so he was face to face with Beckett. "You'll be so much more fun to kill if you're awake than you would have been asleep."

~O.o.O.o.O~

Castle insisted on coming along with the boys and Ram and no one argued as long as he wore his vest. Officers surrounded the summer house as the two detectives, the agent, and the writer got there.

"Nic," Ryan said, turning to Agent Ram, "you stay up here and search the house; we'll go find the basement Alycce was talking about."

Ram nodded and the others headed for the utilities room where Alycce mentioned the entrance to the basement was. Espo had supplied Castle with a gun and he also had a spare of Beckett's that she kept in his safe tucked in the waistband of his jeans, knowing she would probably need it when they found her.

Both Ryan and Esposito were afraid under their calm exterior—this was their sister that had been taken. It made Castle fell more uneasy and yet better to know that he wasn't the only one. The writer was practically shaking by the time they found the trap door and hidden staircase and was grateful that Ryan was the one who opened it.

Ryan led down the stairs, Espo right behind him and the writer in the rear. The large dark room they entered was empty but there was a door on the far side.

"Step aside," Esposito told Castle, who moved out of the way so Espo could kick the door down.

"NYPD!" Ryan yelled into the smaller room.

The room was bare aside from a single chair which Kate was tied to. The boys held their guns on Kurt while Castle rushed over to Kate to untie her. "Thank god you're alive," Rick whispered into Kate's ear as he cut the ropes that bound her with a pocket knife.

"Put the knife down Kurt!" Ryan demanded of the senator who was also holding a knife (and not a little pocket knife either).

"Now why would I want to do that?" Kurt smirked.

"Hmm maybe because you're in a room with three detectives who all have guns," Castle told him, while reaching behind him to grab Kate's gun and hand it to her.

"You think you're real clever don't you Mr. Castle? You're not a cop but you seem to think you're a real hero don't you?" Kurt taunted. Esposito took a step closer to the dragon, his gun still raised as the Senator continued talking. "If this was a game of chess you'd see yourself as a knight wouldn't you Mr. Castle?"

Castle moved away from Kate and closer to the dragon. Scoffing he said, "That's where you're wrong Senator. You see, I'm a rook not a knight. The real question is what are you? You're certainly not a king." Castle smirked at the cold look on Kurt's face. "They call you the dragon don't they Kurt? Last time I checked "the dragon" wasn't a chess piece."

Kate made her way around Kurt while Castle was taunting and distracting him. Before the dragon could make his rebuttal Kate was behind him with her gun pressed into the base of his skull.

"Well well, Detective Beckett, playing a dangerous game aren't we?"

"Dangerous for you," she said, scary calm. "I could blow your head off before you could even think about turning around and stabbing me with your knife."

"Would you get satisfaction from killing me Detective? Do you want to end my life like I had your mother's ended?"

Castle was almost holding his breath, afraid that Kate was going to lose control. _Keep it together Kate_, he pleaded internally_, you can do this, just keep it together_.

Kate let out a cold laugh that was very much unlike her. "You would like that wouldn't you? For me to end your life; give you the simple way out. Why would I want to do that?" she asked, twisting the shoulder she had a grip on but loosening up on how tightly she had her gun pressed to his head. "No," she said, her voice even stronger now, "I won't kill you. I want you to suffer. You've lived a pampered life haven't you? Spoiled rich child turned into a spoiled rich man. How do you think you're going to fair in jail Kurt?" For the first time since the boys and Castle had been there the senator's cocky, arrogant look was gone. That was exactly what Kate was hoping for. With a victorious smile Kate grabbed his wrists behind his back and slapped on a pair of handcuffs Ryan handed to her. "James Kurt, you're under arrest for the murders of Johanna Beckett, Jennifer Stewart, Diane Cavanaugh, Scott Murray, John Raglan, Gary McAllister, and Roy Montgomery."

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**A/N: Okay so maybe I played up the chess metaphors in the whole story just so I could have this little scene with Castle and Kurt...**

**Review?**


	41. Chapter 41

**Disclaimer: Does anyone really think I'm Marlowe at this point?**

**A/N: Penultimate chapter guys. Last chance to guess my song. Hint: let's go back to the start.**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Forty-One**

_"No, I cannot get you out"_

A silence seemed to sweep over everything in the long hours following the arrest of Senator James Kurt. No one seemed to know what to say. Castle was especially at a loss for words; what do you say to the woman you love after she arrests the man who was behind the deaths of her mother and mentor?

Beckett filled out her paperwork quickly. The boys offered to finish up the rest and told her to go home. Kate argued saying that she wanted—needed—to stay and help but Gates backed up the boys and told her that she needed to get out of there.

They were still silent when they got back to the loft. Now that Castle and Beckett were out of danger they decided it was safe to go back to Castle's place.

The silence wasn't awkward, words just weren't needed. Right now the important thing was just being together.

~O.o.O.o.O~

It was all over the news. "Senator James Kurt was arrested today on several accounts of homicide," the news reporter began, "It turns out the senator had hired ex military snipers and special forces to kill seven different, three of which were cops. The motive behind these murders are still unknown. More on this story later."

Castle walked over and shut off the television. He didn't know how many more times he could watch picture after picture of the senator come on the screen while some reporter who had no clue what they were talking about say that the senator was responsible for multiple deaths for unknown reasons. Luckily Montgomery's involvement had been left out as had the fact that Kate had been the one to arrest the senator and that he had been responsible for the death of her mother.

"What do we do now?" Kate finally asked. It was the first thing Castle heard her say since they left the precinct.

He walked over to the couch where she was sitting and sat down next to her. Her eyes, _her beautiful hazel eyes_, were so full of emotion and it was overwhelming him as well. He had been so scared when she had been taken and relieved when he found her and she was alright. They had been through so many near death experiences and although those weren't going to stop any time soon maybe they would slow down for a while now that the dragon was going to be locked away. More than enough information had been found to prove him guilty, now they just had to wait for the trial.

After everything they had been through there was only one more thing they could do. "Live," he told her, "now we live."

_Live. Breathe. Live. _For the first time in fourteen years Kate Beckett could truly do these things. It was overwhelming. It was utterly freeing. So much heartbreak, too many years being so broken, so many mistakes made—it was all over. For the first time they found out who the dragon was, Kate allowed herself to cry.

Tears turned into sobs as Rick just held her to him. He alternated between rubbing her back and stroking her hair. When she was calm enough to speak again she looked Castle in the eyes and whispered, "I want to live Rick."

"And you will," he told her.

"I'm not sure I know how."

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	42. Chapter 42

**Disclaimer: Nope nope nope nope nope**

**A/N: With every story I write I learn more about writing, more about life, and even more about myself. If I were to list every single thing I learned while writing this story, we could be here all day. Instead I'll just list a couple: 1. I am not a smut writer. 2. You can make amazing friends out of reviewers. 3. "In My Veins" is a long song. Forty-Two chapters worth of long...**

**I would like to thank every single person who has reviewed. You guys never failed to make my day.**

**To the real Aaron Moen, Nicole Ram, Rosa Saba, and James Kurt. Thank you A.M., N.R., R.S., and N.M. for letting me name characters after you (even if I didn't ask your permission first).**

**Last but not least, I would like to thank the person who was there throughout this whole story never failing to give me inspiration or make me smile (or choke on my tea). Even though I killed you with angst over and over again, thank you Mindy.**

**At last it is time for me to shut up and let you read the final chapter of ****_In My Veins_****.**

**~Rose**

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**Chapter Forty-Two**

_"No I cannot get you"_

"You do," Rick told her, "you do know how to live. This right here," he gestured to the two of them, "this is you choosing to live. After spending so many years hiding you've finally put your heart on the line. You could have run but here you are instead, choosing to love me."

"It wasn't really a choice," she teased, "but if I had to choose an annoying writer to fall in love with, it would be you."

"Sappy this evening aren't you Miss Beckett?" Castle joked, kissing her nose.

"I think we deserve a little sappiness every once in a while. Especially after this case."

"I can't disagree with you there." Castle went silent for a minute, clearly thinking."Have you noticed how many leaps we have made in our relationship because of your mom's case?"

Kisses, fights, and declarations of love flashed through Kate's mind. She didn't respond right away, caught in thought about how stupid she had been through a lot of it. "I was so stubborn. All those fights were you begged me to walk away from my mom's case... I wouldn't listen to you even when you told me you love me."

"You were blinded by the death of a loved one," he stated. "You weren't the only one who made mistakes throughout all of this either; it wasn't like the first time I told you I love you was at the most opportune moment."

Kate cupped Rick's cheek in one hand and used the other to pull him closer to her. "No Rick," she breathed her mouth barely an inch away from his, "you were just afraid that you were never going to get to tell me how you feel about me. You're words made me fight to live—fight to come back to you. As much as they scared me and I didn't know how to deal with them afterwards, your words saved me."

Castle closed the distance between them, gently pressing his lips to hers before adding more pressure. The kisses were slow, long, and sweet—exactly what they needed right now.

"I remember the first time I got to kiss you," Rick reminisced when they broke apart.

"That was pretty unforgettable. It's not very often I get to kiss the man I love and then knock out a guard so we can rescue the boys."

"Do you have any idea how hot that was?" Castle asked her.

"Oh I think I have an idea," she teased. With that she pulled Rick towards her and kissed him soundly. "Do you have any idea how close I was to cheating on Josh after that?" she asked him between kisses.

"How close?" he asked while trailing kisses down her jaw line.

"Closer than I'd like to admit. It wasn't the only time either. In the hotel room when we were in L.A.; after I went to my room I changed my mind but by the time I opened my door again you had already disappeared into your room."

Castle sighed. "I'm glad you didn't cheat on Josh but I still can't help but think about all of the missed opportunities we've had."

"I think about those all the time," she admitted. "We need to stop living in the past. No more missed opportunities."

"No more missed opportunities," he agreed. Taking a deep breath, Rick composed his thoughts. "Kate, I don't want to waste another second. Will you move in with me?"

She couldn't help but smile. If he had asked her yesterday she wouldn't have been ready but now she wanted nothing more. "Yes."

It was all she needed to say. One chapter of her life had ended with her mother's case but now she was opening a whole new book and the possibilities were endless.

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_The End_

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__**A/N: One last bit of unfinished business. Yes, the two of you that guessed my next song fic is to "The Scientist" by Coldplay were right. It is an AU fic about starting over and finding happiness. Stay tuned for ****_Back to the Start_****.**

**~Rose**

**One final time, review?**


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